What 200+ Workouts Taught Me About Trust, Discipline, and Real Change

What 200+ Workouts Taught Me About Trust, Discipline, and Real Change

This past June, I wrote a post called Halfway Through 2025: New Year’s Goals Revisited. In it, I shared how real transformation doesn’t come from motivation — it comes from strategy, structure, tiny habits, and realistic checkpoints.

Now, after more than a year of consistent workouts, I can say: those small habits have reshaped my health and my mindset.

Fitness Has Been Part of My Life for Decades

Physical fitness has been part of my life since middle school.

Back then, our bonus room in my childhood home was the place I’d pop in a VCR workout tape of:

  • Sweatin’ to the Oldies with Richard Simmons
  • MTV Grind dance workouts
  • Tony Little ab routines

Those videos were my introduction to movement — joyful, sweaty, simple movement.

Through college, I kept working out, and eventually in my mid-to-late twenties, I became a fitness instructor. So yes, fitness has always mattered to me.

Fitness is about overall health, strength, and taking care of the one body God gave me. He gave us a body to steward and to steward well.

This past year reminded me deeply why that commitment still matters — especially now, being in my forties.

In an “On-Demand” World, Slow Progress Feels Invisible

We live in a world where everything is instant — answers, shipping, entertainment, solutions. And in that kind of culture, it’s easy to forget that:

  • Hard work still matters.
  • Progress is often invisible before it becomes undeniable.
  • And results aren’t limited to the number on a scale.

This past year reminded me of that again and again.

There were days where nothing seemed to change… but internally things were shifting.
My clothes fit better.
I felt better in my own skin.
Muscles started to show that weren’t there before.
My lab work improved.
And the way I carried myself changed — confidence grows from keeping your word to yourself.

Muscle takes time. Health takes time. Trust takes time.
And it all starts with the habits no one sees.

What My Health Coach Told Me That I’ll Never Forget

I’ve been working with a health coach, Taylor Lockwood, since 2022 and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made. She said something to me several months back that stopped me in my tracks:

“If you’re breaking promises to yourself, that ripples through your whole life. It creates the inner belief that you can’t trust yourself.”

Whew! That one hit me hard! I’ve reflected on that statement a lot. What seems like a missed workout really is breaking a promise to yourself.

Because every broken commitment is a vote against the person you want to become. But every kept promise — even small ones like showing up for a workout — rebuilds trust in yourself brick by brick.

This year has been about rebuilding that trust.

Health in My Mid-Forties: Why Consistency Matters Even More Now

I’m approaching my mid-forties, and honestly, this season of life has given me an entirely new perspective on why movement matters.

Consistency isn’t just about aesthetics (though those changes are fun, too).
It’s about long-term strength, longevity, and quality of life.

Here’s what working out consistently has taught me about aging well:

  • Aches and pains are often invitations, not obstacles.
    Strengthening the muscles around our joints relieves pressure and reduces discomfort.
  • Blood sugar regulation improves with movement.
    Especially important as hormones shift and metabolism changes.
  • Consistency protects against muscle loss.
    And preserving muscle is one of the most critical factors in aging well.
  • Strength improves balance and stability.
    Which means fewer falls — one of the biggest health risks as people age.
  • Exercise supports hormone health.
    And as a woman in my forties, that matters more than ever.

In short: Consistency today becomes freedom later.

Adjusting, Not Quitting

This year wasn’t flawless. In fact, I faced plenty of obstacles.

I dealt with health changes, started two medications, and struggled with shin splints that forced me to shift from running to other forms of cardio. And honestly? I wish I’d agreed to medication sooner — it helped areas of my health I’d been fighting through for far too long.

But this year wasn’t about perfection.

It was about continuing to show up — even when I had to modify the plan.

Consistency with flexibility beats perfection every time.

Motivation Wanes. Habits Carry You.

People tend to assume consistency is about willpower, discipline, or sheer grit.
But the truth?

It’s about habits.

The tiny, repeatable, predictable actions that don’t rely on how I feel that day.

The same strategies I described in my mid-year goals post carried me through:

  • Implementation intentions (“If it’s Monday at 5 pm, I work out.”)
  • Habit stacking (cardio + listening to a podcast or music)
  • Mini goals to make progress measurable
  • Feedback loops to evaluate without self-criticism

These weren’t just helpful — they were life-changing.

What I Know After a Year of Consistent Workouts

Consistency isn’t glamorous.
It’s not loud.
It doesn’t get applause.

But it is transformational.

This year has taught me:

  • Slow progress is still progress.
  • Change is happening even when you don’t see it yet.
  • Motivation comes and goes, but habits and discipline stay.
  • Keeping promises to yourself builds confidence.
  • You are capable of more than you think — one small decision at a time.

And the biggest transformation of all?

I trust myself more today than I did a year ago.

That’s the kind of change you can’t buy, shortcut, or manufacture.

It’s earned — one workout, one habit, one promise kept at a time.

Stay tuned! I’ll be sharing a cookbook soon of all of my go-to recipes that are fast, easy, and oh so good too!

Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss when it launches!

8 Ways to Stretch Your Holiday Budget With Heart

8 Ways to Stretch Your Holiday Budget with Heart

Is it just me, or has life become expensive?
On a recent grocery trip, I spent over $15.00 to make a Banana Pudding for a work event. The ingredients which were instant vanilla pudding, heavy whipping cream, bananas, Nilla wafers, and Eagle Brand milk. How is it that 5 ingredients cost $15? What in the world? When prices keep climbing and our paychecks aren’t matching the pace, something eventually has to give. And ready or not, the holidays are now here!

Maybe you don’t have money to spend on presents this year. That’s okay. Let’s explore ways we can keep costs down this holiday season and our budgets tight.

Start with honesty.

If you need to scale back gift-giving, tell your friends and family. Be upfront, be honest. Even if it feels vulnerable, do it anyway. You might be surprised by the sigh of relief on the other end—chances are, they’re feeling the pinch too. Your honesty may actually be the first gift of the season.

Now, let’s focus on what we can do instead of what we cannot do.

1. Try drawing names.

Put everyone’s name in a bowl, and draw the person you’ll buy for. Set clear ground rules, like a maximum dollar amount. Make sure whoever sets the rules understands your budget and can help manage expectations.

2. Host potluck-style gatherings.

If you’re normally the holiday host, ask others to bring drinks, sides, desserts, or appetizers. It may take a bit more coordination upfront, but organizing is FREE—and the payoff is that you’re not covering the full cost of the meal.

3. Write handwritten letters.

When was the last time you received a handwritten letter? Or wrote one? In a world of texts, emails, and social media comments, a handwritten note is rare—and priceless.

Write your child a letter about how you’ve seen them grow this year. Write your mom or dad a note recalling favorite memories. A handwritten letter says, “I took time to think of you,” and time is the most personal gift we have.

4. Create art.

Do you like to doodle? Do you have pencils, markers, or paint lying around? Consider drawing something for a friend or family member. Don’t dismiss the idea—like handwritten letters, art is time made visible.

Growing up in Mississippi there was an elderly woman at the Iuka Church of Christ named Lenile Archer. Every year on my birthday, she sent me a postcard—one side a handwritten message, the other side her own artwork. Even as a child, I knew how special it was to receive one of her creations.

5. Offer gift certificates—for your time.

Not the store-bought kind. These cost nothing.

Is someone on your list a new parent? Offer babysitting so they can run errands or have a date night. Do you have a skill someone might need—car maintenance, simple home repairs, organizing, or washing cars? Create a gift certificate for a block of your time and talent. It’s practical, meaningful, and personal.

6. Give experiences.

Maybe you make a great cup of coffee, a signature dessert, or a favorite meal. Maybe there’s someone you’ve been wanting to reconnect with. Invite them over or bring your treats to them. Share conversation. Share memories. Experiences create connection, and connection is a gift.

7. Print photos.

When was the last time you printed a photo? How many sit on your phone unseen? Someone on your list would likely treasure a captured moment—whether it’s old or recent. And many dollar stores still carry affordable frames.

8. Volunteer together.

When our dollars don’t stretch the way they used to, one of the best ways to shift our mindset is to serve others. Look to local churches for families in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Visit a nursing home and sit with someone who may not have loved ones nearby. Serving together multiplies joy.

Money is a resource. Time is a resource. Sometimes we have more of one than the other. But blessings can be found in both.

Less money often requires more creativity—and that’s not a loss. Think outside the gift box. You might discover you don’t miss the pile of presents under the tree at all.

The time and experiences you create will last far longer than the latest gadget or trend. Our time with loved ones is limited, and many of the ideas above are rooted in time, not money.

Time is an investment.
So ask yourself:
Do I want to spend it fighting crowds? Scrolling endlessly online? Or sitting face-to-face with the people I love?

Choose your resources wisely this season. Choose connection. Choose presence. Those are the gifts that last. And, they are budget friendly!

100 Days of Prayer

100 Days of Prayer

Last year, an account I follow on Instagram, @bailshenry, shared the goal of not eating out at restaurants for all of 2024!

Considering how busy our lives are…this was an interesting goal. It would be a challenging goal.

Needless to say, she attracted a lot of followers, including me. We watched what she was making at home and serving her family. We watched as she and her family fulfilled their goal.

Bailey also lives in Mississippi and is a graduate from Mississippi State University, both of which are bonuses in my book! #hailstate

Recently, Bailey shared about the practice of 100 days of prayer.

When she shared about this practice, she didn’t think there would be much response. Instead, she was pleasantly surprised.

Many were curious and wanted to know how she did it.

She has a highlight reel on her account about it and shared how she structures hers.

Since the beginning of October, I’ve been struggling with some challenges. I was already praying about it.

Then, I remembered the 100 days of prayer practice that Bailey shared. I re-watched her highlight reels on how she structures hers and then set out to do my own.

I started by writing down the 2 situations that I wanted to pray about for 100 days.

Nothing too in depth. Bullet points about both situations.

I wrote out above the 2 prayer circumstances what the starting date of my 100 days would be and then end date.

It’s important to note that while you can track the 100 days…God is not impressed with the amount of days you are praying.

What is important is that God wants to hear from His children.

And even though He already knows the needs, the circumstances, and situations, He wants to hear from you about it.

If you are a mom or dad, don’t you want to know what on your children’s hearts and minds?

Especially if they are struggling?

Even if you know they are struggling?

With God, it’s no different. He wants to hear from His children.

I’ve never prayed with the same or similar prayer for 100 days.

As I write this, I’m 38 days into the 100 days.

Here are 5 things that I’ve noticed:

  1. For 38 days, I’ve prayed the same or similar prayer over the 2 situations out loud.
  2. There have been times I’ve gotten on my knees to pray. Not every time.
    • Kneeling isn’t something I’ve done often in my prayer life either, however, I can say that it humbles me.
    • It’s a symbol of reverence. He is God, I am not.
  3. These prayers are not limited to only the 2 circumstances.
    • I use this time to pray for other people and situations too.
  4. I’ve been surprised how I like the repetition of praying the same or similar prayer.
    • It is becoming a rhythm in my day. I don’t have to come up with a prayer. I already know and then can add on as needed.
    • Sometimes praying can feel overwhelming with the uncertainty of what to say. The repetition is helpful.
    • I find that I am praying more confidently.
  5. Jeff and I have prayed together more often.
    • We take turns praying.

I didn’t know what to expect when I began this practice. I’m so glad I started and have been consistently praying.

While I don’t have total clarity over the 2 situations, I have slight clarity on a piece of it.

God is moving. And He will answer.

It may not be the answers that I’m looking for or what I want.

That’s ok, too.

I want His voice to be the loudest in my life.

Less of me and more of Him.

Amen.

A Time to be Thankful

A Time to be Thankful

Life seems to be moving at such a break neck speed. I’m having trouble remembering that Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

November usually signals us to count our blessings and name the people, places, and things in which we are thankful. The busyness of life holds us back from slowing down enough to be thoughtful about our blessings.

This leads us to take many people, places, and blessings for granted.

I’m very guilty of this too!

So here is a challenge today.

What would it look like if you were to take 5 minutes today to sit still and reflect on what you are thankful for in your life?

Let’s take it a step further.

What if you put a recurring reminder in your phone to take 5 minutes to be thankful each day?

What do you think that would give to you?

How would it enhance your life?

To take time to be thankful?

It might give you an opportunity to slow down and take a deep breath.

It could be a mindfulness exercise demonstrating that you have a lot more going right in your life than what you what is going wrong.

Our human brains tend to focus on what is going wrong. Therefore, it takes conscious effort to look at what is going right and be thankful.

A very wise friend once shared with me that because we focus so much on the complaints in our lives that it’s not enough to hold complaints in one hand and the positives in the other.

Rather, we have to hold the positives with both hands to truly acknowledge them.

What would it mean if you put down the complaints you have about your life for 5 minutes?

And then held what you are thankful for in both hands? What if you did this everyday?

You just might be surprised that little by little over time your mood and outlook shift to thankfulness.

So, let’s recap. Here’s your challenge:

  1. Put away any distractions.
  2. Take 5 minutes.
  3. Take a deep breath.
  4. Put down your complaints about life for those 5 minutes.
  5. Ask yourself, “what am I thankful for?” “What is going well right now?”

Bonus!

Set a recurring reminder on your phone to be thankful daily for 5 minutes each day.

Would starting your day being thankful work well for your schedule?

Or, would ending your day being thankful work better?

You decide.

Let’s start being thankful right now, today. Ready? Set. Go!

For other exercise prompts for greater overall personal well-being, check out this post about Feelings and Resiliency.

Cedar Rock Ministries – Marriage Retreat

Cedar Rock Ministries - Marriage Retreat

How I Found Cedar Rock Ministries

I’m not 100% sure where or when I first heard about Cedar Rock Ministries. If I had to guess, it would be through Jessica Hefley…from her social media and podcast, Prosperity with Purpose.

Jessica is a Christian Leadership Coach who has had tremendous success in network marketing, and she’s someone I’ve admired from afar for quite some time.

If you’ve read my series on my experiences with Awaken Silent Retreats, you already know this isn’t the first time I’ve followed one of Jessica’s recommendations — and those retreats have been such a blessing in my life. So when she mentioned Cedar Rock Ministries, I paid attention.

What Is Cedar Rock Ministries?

Cedar Rock is a relationship development ministry that helps individuals and couples find the rest and connection they need to become more fully known and deeply loved.

“The righteous will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, ‘The Lord is upright; He is my Rock.’”

Psalm 92:12-15

Cedar Rock’s core values are powerful presence, restful receiving, unhurried pace, frequent subtraction, curious exploration, intentional play, and holistic growth. Each of these values is woven into the experience of their retreats — not just as ideas, but as ways of life.

Why We Chose Cedar Rock Ministries

One of the focuses of Perspective Confessions is well-being.

Constant stress, busyness, and a non-stop pace are not recipes for well-being — and yet, that’s how many of us live. The truth is, if we don’t intentionally choose to slow down, we never will. Our relationships, and our own hearts, eventually pay the price.

If you’ve read this far, that probably resonates with you. We have a real problem in Western culture with hurried living. Life doesn’t give us permission to slow down. We have to decide to do that for ourselves…to make intentional choices that prioritize rest, relationships, and silence.

That’s what led my husband, Jeff, and me to set a goal for 2025: to attend a One Couple Retreat with Cedar Rock Ministries. We wanted to pause, reconnect, and invest in our marriage…not just for us, but for the legacy we’re building together.

Our Experience: A One Couple Retreat

Our retreat took place at Glen Eyrie in Colorado Springs, Colorado — one of the most breathtaking places we’ve ever been. Nestled between red rock cliffs (right beside Garden of the Gods) and tall evergreens, the castle and grounds created the most peaceful venue. It felt like sacred ground — quiet, restorative, and wrapped in God’s presence.

The retreat itself was unlike anything we had experienced before. This wasn’t traditional marriage counseling or group therapy. It was deeply personal, one-on-one time with Nick and Renée Fouts, the founders of Cedar Rock Ministries, who welcomed us not as clients, but as friends.

They were so generous with their time with us. They listened deeply to our story: the challenges of blending families, the nuances of second marriages, the baggage we were both carrying with us, and the ways we wanted to grow closer to each other and to God.

What made it so powerful was hearing from both of them — husband and wife, man and woman. Their insights balanced and complemented each other beautifully, giving us perspective that a single counselor simply couldn’t.

Nick and Renée’s approach was gentle, wise, and deeply rooted in Scripture. There was no rush, no formula, just a rhythm of grace and honest conversation. We felt completely seen, known, and loved.

It wasn’t therapy — it was ministry. And it shifted something in us.

In the stillness of Glen Eyrie, surrounded by creation’s beauty, we experienced slowing down to listen to one another, and to make room for God to move.

As Jeff and I left our time with Nick and Renee, we both felt a quiet peace settle over us — the kind of peace that lingers. We left with renewed hearts, softened toward one another and more aware of God’s presence in our marriage.

That’s the beauty of slowing down long enough to listen — to God, to your spouse, and even to yourself. Somewhere between the conversations, the stillness, and the prayers, we found what our souls are craving: connection, understanding, and rest.

Marriage isn’t something you set on autopilot. It takes tending, grace, and a willingness to see your spouse not as an obstacle or project, but as a gift. This retreat reminded us that our relationship is a reflection God’s love, patience, and faithfulness.

If you’ve been feeling the weight of constant motion…like life is moving faster than your heart can keep up…maybe this is your reminder to pause. To step away from the noise, to seek God together, and to let Him renew what the world so easily tears apart.

Our time with Cedar Rock Ministries at Glen Eyrie was more than a retreat. It was an invitation to live slower, love deeper, and remember that when we make space for God, He restores and renews.

Conversations with God – Video

Conversations with God - Video

We have so many voices speaking into our lives these days. More than our parents and grandparents because of the social media platforms, the internet, and streaming services, etc, that we have nowadays.

This is the video version of my Conversations with God. I wrote about it recently, linked here. If a 40 second video is more your speed than reading, I’ve got you covered. Just press play below.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from God recently, take a few moments to ask God, “how do you delight in me?”. Then, listen for His response. How He speaks to you will be unique to you just like it was for me. My cat being brought to my mind was unique and specific in how He spoke to me.

God is listening and He wants to hear from you.

Conversations with God

In this post, we will explore how to have conversations with God. It’s easier than what you might think!

Conversations with God

What does a cat have to do with talking with God?

Well, in this conversation with God, a lot!

There have been quite a few times that I’ve retreated for quiet time with God and this furbaby comes to find me. He’s a very cute and cuddly interruption. 😆

Purrcy is my sweet boy.

A few years ago, I completed a weekend retreat. While there, I learned how to make space for God. I learned that it’s not nearly as important as what I say in prayer as it is being with God…thus being silent and still. In this way, it’s much easier to hear God when He speaks. And He does speak to us, we just have to make space and learn to discern His voice.

Don’t we need to hear from Him now more than ever?!

A while before this weekend retreat, I had started asking God questions and listening. One Saturday morning before I got out of bed, I asked God, “how do you delight in me?” The first thing that popped into my mind was a picture of Purrcy and my eyes welled up with tears. If God delights in me like I delight in Purrcy, that says a lot to me. God knew just how to answer my question that morning. It was an impactful answer…that He delights in me, He loves me freely with no holds barred. He delights in holding me close. He delights in my personality, in my heart, and how He made me. He loves me easily and He can even use a special furry friend to show me.

I hope you are seeing and hearing God in all the places in your life, because He is whispering. He is everywhere around us. As your week or day wraps up, I hope you find space to ask God “how do you delight in me?”. Then, listen for his prompting. For me, this practice helps me combat anxiety and the stress from my crazy, busy life. I want this same thing for you too. To know that you are delighted in, that you are loved by a mighty Heavenly Father, and that you are held by Him.

Want more resources for how you can practice silence and stillness, and combat our noisy, modern world? Check out this post.

Surrender in Faith- Part 2

Surrender in Faith
Please make sure to read Surrender – Part 1 of this series.

Journal Entry from June 10, 2018

“This has been a very difficult week. I have contemplated my health and body more than ever. I’ve been scared out of my mind, overwhelmed beyond belief and beaten down.

I didn’t know being sick would affect me that way. It has rattled me to my core. When your body decides to rebel against you, it’s unnerving.

The thing that has scared me and continues to scare me is becoming sick and not being able to live life as I once was able to. So much can be taken away so quickly. No warning.

The emotional ramifications of that is profound. In those moments, you realize how much you take for granted all the time.

And you realize just how much you aren’t in control. It’s funny how I believe I’m in control all the time or at least most of the time and the reality is I’ve never been in control. I’ve only conned myself into thinking that. Surrendering is hard. Surrendering my strong-will is hard. And this week I wasn’t left with much of anything but surrender.

What I mean is I found myself alone, struggling to understand even what the meaning of life is, what happiness is, reflecting on how I’ve been living my life, treating my body, caring or not caring for my body, my emotional well-being, utterly overwhelmed and consumed, not able to focus or think or function. Realizing that when you are sick, it’s you and you alone. There’s no other person that can go through it with you. No one else truly knows how you feel. It’s only you. And it leaves you reflecting on your spiritual life, clinging to God because He’s the only one that can go through this with you.

Learning to rely on Him is hard. Surrendering is hard, and I don’t like surrendering. I laugh when I say that because God made me after all! He knows I’m stubborn and strong-willed, not going down without a fight, He knows I’ll get scrappy if needed. 🙂

Maybe surrendering is the strongest thing I can do.

Asking Him to fill me with His peace and joy. (Romans 15:13) I found myself casting out the enemy’s anxiety and fear in Jesus name because my God is bigger than that.

I found myself heavily relying on God to carry me through this. And it’s amazing that at every turn, no matter the progress in recovery I have made, the evil one is standing by interjecting fear and worry at every turn.

The enemy is unrelenting.

I wonder if God gets weary of us and our inability to remain faithful even for a few minutes?

That’s been another prayer of mine as well, “Lord, please help me in my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) I do believe, but I am weak.

God would show me His healing power by my tongue becoming functional to taste again. My eyelids blinking at the same time, strength coming back to my lips so I could spit toothpaste in the sink from the center of my mouth.

Even in all these ways He’s showing me He’s taking care of me and I still fear and wait anxiously.

Giving it over to Him is hard. All the while knowing He can do so much better at all this than me.

Being sick is scary. Being helpless is frightening.

I have thought about my mom a lot. She was sick for so long and I’m sure she was scared and felt alone.

…help me in my unbelief…

Today, I feel much improved, but anxiety and worry still take up way too many of my thoughts. All craziness. I know this logically, but the fear and worry have another agenda. The enemy’s mind games.

I know my God does not want me to suffer. He does not want me to worry. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)

I want to have a closer relationship with Him. One that I can trust and lean upon Him. Surrender to Him.

I want to have close to my heart the knowing that God loves me, He delights in me. I want to put down the knowing that I’ve had in the past. I often see God as disappointed in me, displeased with me. A punishing God because I have not done the things I should.

All of those negative, ugly ways I thought about God, I want to put down.

I want to know Him as my Father who loves me and cares for me and wants the best for me.

He wants me to follow Him, surrender to Him. And I think I’ve been unable to know Him, to follow Him because I’ve been ashamed. Feeling too unworthy to approach Him, unworthy of His love, unworthy to really know Him. Why would God want to know me?

I think it’s easy to believe that when you’re sometimes not seen by those who are closest to you. If you’ve ever experienced someone close to you that seemingly doesn’t openly delight in you or that’s how you’ve interpreted it anyway. You are left feeling unnoticed and unworthy and unimportant. All lies from the devil in association with God.

I pray God’s grace upon my unworthiness. I pray for His help in my surrender to His ways. To lean on Him and not worry. I pray for release from the anxiety, to live in His joy and His freedom. Help me in my unbelief. To be still and know. (Psalm 46:10) To wait because He will fight for me. (Exodus 14:14) His grace and mercy is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

God wants me to be happy and live a full life in Him and I should stop living in fear and start doing just that.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) Lord help me to know that, not just logically but in all ways and to rest in You. (Matthew 11:28)”

I was recently reminded of a scene in the movie, The Shack. Have you seen it? If not, I recommend it. It’s a powerful movie.

The scene I’m referring to is the one where Mack, the main character, is in a boat on the lake. Everything seems peaceful and then his mind starts taking him back to a pivotal point in his life. Playing mind games and suddenly the boat begins filling with black water. Mack is panicking!

Then you hear the sound of Jesus’ voice telling Mack he’s ok. Jesus says, “I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.” “Focus on me,” he says.

When Mack is finally able to raise his eyes to focus on Jesus, the boat returns as it was and Mack is ok.

Click on the link below to watch the scene from The Shack, the first 2:30 minutes.

https://youtu.be/G1OHyINxuRQ

Isn’t that how life is? When we are drowning, we are focusing on the pain and the turmoil.

If we can lift our eyes to focus on Him…know that He’s there and He will never leave.

I struggle to keep my eyes lifted and focused on Him and Bell’s Palsy proved no different.

It’s been 7 years since my bout with Bell’s Palsy.

It often takes going through something to see the beautiful picture that God painted, and how He strengthened my faith. Hardships make our faith strong. “I am made strong in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:5-10)

If you are wrestling with trying times that life has dealt you, I encourage you to lift your eyes and focus on Him as best you can. He’s there and He’s walking beside you.

Surrender – Part 1

Surrender - Part 1

Thursday, May 31, 2018 is the day I woke up like any other day to get ready for work…feed my dog, Sophie Bear, pick out my outfit for the day, shower, dress, fix my hair and brush my teeth.

It wasn’t until I brushed my teeth that I realized something was wrong with my face. I leaned over the sink to spit out the toothpaste and my mouth wouldn’t work right. My lips went sideways, I couldn’t pucker to spit. Weird, I thought. Maybe I did that wrong?

That was my thought. I spit wrong. Even though I’ve been spitting toothpaste in the sink for years. How does someone forget how to spit?!

So, I tried again. Same thing. My lips went sideways, I couldn’t pucker to spit.

That’s when I really examined myself in the mirror. What’s wrong?!?! My heart started beating a little faster and I was becoming more alarmed by the minute.

I, then, realized my left eye wasn’t closing as firmly as my right. I tried squeezing as hard as I could, and the left side wouldn’t squeeze shut.

What.was.wrong?!?!

Stroke was the word that entered my mind.

I flew out of the bathroom to the mirror in the living room and looked there as if I thought changing mirrors would change the function of my face.

I tried puckering my lips and they just looked weird, my pucker wasn’t centered. I looked at my eyes again and tried squeezing them shut. The right eye felt strong and squeezed shut as my muscles commanded it to, the left eye was lacking. I was scared! Jeff and I commute into work together and I told him to go without me, I was going to the Urgent Care.

Bell’s Palsy or a stroke?

Among all the frantic thoughts in my head, thoughts of my mom were there too.

She suffered from having several mini strokes in her last months.

Was this happening to me? What was going on?

When I pulled up to the Urgent Care, of course, they don’t open until 8:00 am and I arrived at 7:15 am. Great! Now I get to sit in my car and let my thoughts swirl in my head about what is happening to me.

Those minutes ticked by so, so slowly. It was excruciating. Finally, the doors opened. When I was signing in at the front desk, the nurse asked me for the symptoms I was experiencing. As soon as I got out of my mouth that the left side of my face wasn’t working right, she immediately sent me to triage.

This only concerned me more and it validated that something was wrong. My body was rebelling against me and it came out of nowhere.

The doctor followed right behind me into triage and ran several physical tests like asking me to squeeze her fingers to check for weakness in my hands and arms.

She asked several questions like did I feel weakness on one side of my body and asking me to repeat phrases.

The only other symptom I had was the left side of my tongue had gone numb the day before. I couldn’t taste on that side, but I didn’t think much of it.

The doctor then told me her diagnosis was Bell’s Palsy.

“Do you know what Bells Palsy is?”, she asked.

“No. Can it be healed?”, I replied in response.

The doctor was very gracious in assuring me she had experienced Bell’s Palsy about 15 years before and often it comes out of nowhere, but it can be caused by a virus that attacks the facial muscles usually on just one side of the face. She urged me, though, to go to an emergency room to get an MRI to rule out the possibility of a stroke.

I left Urgent Care in a daze. I was frantic, heart still racing, yet calm at the same time. Jeff was blowing up my phone, but I didn’t want to talk.

I was trying to process what my body was doing and how I was going to spring into action.

If you know me well, you know I’m a person of action.

I do not take things laying down. I’m proactive to the nth degree.

All that sounds great, the being proactive stuff, right? Well, yes and no.

Here’s the negative part of being so proactive and feeling the need to be in control…I don’t let others care for me.

At this point, I’m shutting Jeff out because I don’t know how to deal. I don’t know how to process what’s going on with me and I’m shutting him out.

When I finally answer the phone when he calls, he says he’s packing up at work and will meet me at the ER.

“No.” I tell him. “I will go to the ER, but I’m going into work first.”

Weird reaction, right? I know, thus is the conundrum of me. I am a soldier in the mist of my world falling apart. Pushing onward, not letting myself feel, just doing.

Jeff is frantic on the other end of the phone and I start crying as I knew I would and I told him I had to go. I don’t deal well with not knowing what to do. I was struggling to control my own emotions and I didn’t have room for anyone else’s emotions even though Jeff was certainly entitled.

I drove to work. When I got to the parking garage, I pulled out my makeup that I hadn’t put on yet. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks. I pulled the mirrored visor down and looked at my face.

My face was betraying me. Even in crying, the left side of my face was not distorting with emotion. It was sort of frozen which made me cry more.

What was happening to me? I dried up my tears as much as I could and put on my makeup. Putting on eye makeup was strange and made the tears start to roll again because I couldn’t close my left eyelid to put on eye shadow.

I only checked in at work, talked with my boss, told him what was going on and cried tremendously while telling him. I told him about my mom and the strokes that she had and how concerned that made me. Hearing the word Stoke in reference to yourself is a hard pill to swallow.

Jeff met me at my office and we soon left for the ER for the MRI and had the diagnosis of stroke ruled out. I had Bells Palsy and I would experience the symptoms for weeks.

The above is a play by play of how I spent my Thursday morning and afternoon of May 31, 2018.

This was my first time experiencing a sickness that wasn’t curable in a few days with a round of antibiotics.

Stay tuned…next week I’ll share how this sickness tested my faith.

How to Protect Your Well-being

How to Protect Your Well-being

What is this picture? Any guesses?

Central Park in New York City

Why was Central Park created? Why does it make sense to have such a big park in the middle of a giant city?

Couldn’t that space be used for productivity? More buildings? More businesses? More revenue? How much revenue per square ft. do you think this space could generate?

The park is surrounded by massive skyscrapers. Relative to the space, a few more skyscrapers wouldn’t take up that much space of the park, right? How many office spaces could that be?

Central Park is 843 acres in size! It’s 2.5 miles from north to south and 0.5 miles from east to west.

It’s a National Historic Landmark and considered a masterpiece of landscape architecture.

Do you think whoever’s idea this was to have such a big, protected park in the city is crazy?

Central Park was created in 1858 to address the recreational needs of the rapidly growing city. Its purpose was to offer urban dwellers an experience of the countryside, a place to escape from the stresses of urban life and to commune with nature and other fellow New Yorkers.

In fact, Central Park has its own conservancy to preserve and celebrate Central Park as a sanctuary from the pace and pressures of city life, enhancing the enjoyment and well-being of all.

Why are we talking about Central Park?

Where is the Central Park in your life? How do you escape the pressures and stresses of life?

What do each of us have in common?

We are human beings.

As humans, we have needs and emotions that must be attended to, right?

What do you need for optimal personal well-being?

Enter the 4 pillars of well-being or resilience. You may be familiar with these 4 pillars which is part of the U.S. Air Force Comprehensive Airman Fitness.

Resilience Mental Physical Social Spiritual Logo

Think of these 4 pillars as your own Central Park, or your greenspace. Let’s break down each part.

As we review each one, ask yourself, “what do you have that’s working and what do you have that’s not working?”

Mental. Being able to cope with mental stressors and challenges. Paying attention to your needs and feelings. Your thoughts control your energy.

Physical. Being able to adopt and sustain a healthy lifestyle. Exercise, nutrition, and sleep are all important. Connecting mind and body. Strong bodies help build strong minds.

Social. Being able to network. Building and valuing interpersonal relationships. Social connections widen perceptions and grow character.

Spiritual. Being able to adhere to beliefs, principles or values needed to persevere and prevail in accomplishing missions.

What else is on the picture above with the pillars of resilience?

The arrow that points in both directions. What does that indicate to you?

Each pillar overlaps. Investment in one pillar spills into other pillars.

For example, let’s pretend you are training for a marathon. First of all, that’s a mental goal, full of positive thinking.

It’s also a very physical goal, meaning you will need to progressively train over time. You’ll need to feed your body well. You’ll need rest and sleep.

Many people that train for marathons train in groups. This is a social activity. You might be training with people that are more experienced than you, so you can learn from them. They can share tips and tricks. They will encourage you to keep going when you want to quit.

Running a marathon can also touch on the spiritual pillar. It will take perseverance to complete this goal. It’s a goal that is bigger than you.

If you are your own conservatory for your pillars, how are you doing? How well are you protecting these areas?

The Central Park conservatory works year-round, rain or shine to maintain and restore every inch of the park.

How well are you protecting your greenspace?

What rhythms do you need to add into your life? Daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly?

Each one of us has 52 weeks a year; 365 days. Is a couple weeks, or 14 days, of vacation a year sufficient to maintain or build your 4 pillars?

How are you protecting your greenspace so that you can show up for your family, your work and team, for yourself? You can’t pour from an empty glass, and you can’t help others without putting on your mask first.

Maybe this feels overwhelming because you need a lot of work in 2-3 of these pillars. Or maybe you know exactly what you need to do in only 1. Whatever the case, think about what is one small change you could make today?

Start there and build. Become your own Conservatory.

Perspective Confessions

Discovering grounded truths in an uprooted world

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