Tag: community

The Word I Didn’t Choose

The Word I Didn't Choose

I’m not one to pick “a word for the year”. 

I’m not against, it’s just not something I’ve given much focus to.  

And, being a writer, maybe I don’t want to limit myself to one word! 😉  

But I do pay attention to words that seem to come up over and over again.  

The ones I keep hearing. 

The ones that start carrying more weight and meaning than they used to. 

These are words to pay attention to. 

So far, this year, this word has been community.  

Community in a Big City

Living in such a big city like Houston makes community complicated. 

It’s normal here to live 30+ miles from where you work. That can easily mean an hour commute one way. 

After doing that all week, the idea of driving back into traffic to meet a friend can feel exhausting.  

Unintentionally, you begin calculating: 

  • What time will I get home? 
  • How late will this go? 
  • Is it worth the energy? 

Slowly, isolation becomes practical. 

Comedian Nate Bargatze jokes about this in one of his comedy shows. 

“In your 20’s you’re down for anything, anytime, anywhere doesn’t matter. If a friend calls to ask if you want to do something, you’re in.” 

“In your 30’s, if a friend calls to ask you to meet up, you’re a little hesitant. You ask questions about who is going to be there and when is it over before you commit.” 

“In your 40’s, when a friend calls to ask you to do something, you are offended that they’d even ask.” 

It’s funny because it’s true!

But beneath the humor is something deeper: as we get older, busier, and more established, connection starts feeling optional. 

The Illusion of Independence

Because Houston is so big, it can have a way of toughening you. 

This year marks 20 years of living here. While I pride myself on being independent, independence can have a way of hardening you into isolation. 

Not because you decide you don’t need people, but because life trains you to manage on your own. 

You work. 

You commute. 

You handle things. 

You keep going. And life keeps going at lightening speed. 

And you convince yourself you’re fine. 

We Said Yes

One of the ways to have a community is in church. Many who attend church in Houston attend what is referred to as a mega-church. A mega-church will have 2,000 or more attendees. It’s very hard to create relationships and be known in such a large congregation. 

The church my husband and I attend is called Church Project. It is a church of house churches.  

Yes, we gather on Sunday mornings in a church building and we have 2 services to fit everyone. 

But how we create community within Church Project are House Churches. These are smaller gatherings usually on Sunday evenings or Wednesday nights in homes usually in your neighborhood.  

A group of House Churches connected together as one through Church Project. This is modeled after the New Testament church where people would gather in each other’s homes for Christian fellowship. 

This usually entails gathering: 

  • to share a meal 
  • for prayer time 
  • for Bible study 
  • for Conversation 

 This is a way to know and be known. It creates intimacy and an opportunity to build relationships and do life with others. 

My husband and I didn’t participate in House Church for years. We finally decided a couple years ago to start going and we are so glad we did. 

It has proven to be such a blessed transformational decision for us.  

The Risk of Being Known

For someone who has lived most of her adult life fiercely independent, being known can feel vulnerable, and attending House Church has challenged me in a good way.  

The times we’ve chosen to let our House Church in on areas that we were struggling has proven to be the best risk. 

We’ve received immediate prayer. We’ve received text messages during the week checking in and encouraging us. I’ve received the most delicate and tender prayer messages. 

Most recently, my grandmother passed away and before I left to travel for her funeral, I found a bouquet of flowers and a card on my front door step from our House Church. It was such a thoughtful and sincere gesture.  

When you live far from family, grief can feel isolating in a way that’s hard to describe. Our House Church reminded me I wasn’t alone. 

After all the time I’ve spent being independent, when you begin being cared for by others, it’s a bit shocking and learning to receive becomes another challenge.

Sometimes you don’t know how much you need community until you actually have one. 

It’s not all about receiving. Being cared for and having that modeled for you teaches you how to be a community for others. 

I have room to grow in this regard. When others show up for you and show you the love of Jesus, it fills you up in a way that you want to pour out to others.  

One of my favorite versus is Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, so one person’s character sharpens another.” This is House Church.

A community that sharpens one another. Sharpening in a sweet way and sharpening in a transformational way. Living in community with others will hold up a mirror, at times, showing you where you can do better and be better. 

Small Town vs. Big City

Community came up again while I was home for my grandmother’s funeral. I attended the church I grew up in, where my Dad still attends. So many people came to hug me, share stories, and words of encouragement for me.  

This is also community.  

This is community of a small town. This kind of community feels natural in a small town.  

People come together. People know you, watched as you grew up, has known your family for generations.  

These are people that take care of you. And I’m comforted by this as I travelled back home to Houston knowing so many care and love my Dad.  

I know that community will come around my Dad, check on him, and love on him when I can’t be there in person. 

When you live in a big city, no one accidentally builds deep connection. You have to choose it. 

I’m so thankful we have that opportunity with our House Church with Church Project.  

The Modern Convenience Problem

We live in a modern world that has made community optional. 

Why would you go next door to borrow a cup of sugar when you could have it delivered?  

Why talk to a cashier when you can check yourself out? 

In the name of “progress” we’ve eliminated community. We’ve forgotten what it means to depend upon others, to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to share a meal. 

But we were never designed to live this way. 

A Question Worth Asking

When was the last time you let yourself be known? 

Not admired. 

Not competent. 

Not capable. 

Known. 

Isolation rarely announces itself. 

It quietly settles in and becomes the normal. 

And sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn’t proving you can handle everything alone. 

It’s letting someone show up for you. 

So how do we bring community back in our modern world? 

By choosing inconvenience on purpose. 

By lingering after church instead of slipping out quickly. 
By saying yes to dinner even when the commute feels long. 
By knocking on a neighbor’s door instead of ordering another delivery. 
By letting someone see beyond “I’m fine.” 

Community isn’t gone. 

It’s waiting for intention. 

Career Confessions from a Small Town Girl in the Big City: Part 2

This article was originally published at Tishomingo County News, see it linked here.

The job situation wasn’t looking good only a few months after graduating college in the summer of 2006. I was a tadpole in an ocean called Houston, Texas and the anxiety attacks supported that analogy. I tried another office temp job. I was ok for a couple of days and then quit that job too. I witnessed a girl get fired. I got in my head about it and couldn’t let the fear go that I would be next. Never mind that the fear was unfounded. Anxiety doesn’t work that way. It’s not logical. It was all unwarranted fear. None of this was a good look for me nor a good track record for trying to find and keep a job. Not to mention the temp agency wasn’t going to work with me again. How was I supposed to explain what I was going through? From the outside looking in, I looked like a mess and who wants to hire a mess? I was an unreliable employee, and I couldn’t blame them for thinking that way. 

Back then one of my favorite channels to watch was the Food Network Channel. I love to cook! I don’t remember the name of the show, but it highlighted this new up and coming food preparation franchise called Super Suppers. I was intrigued. It was founded in Texas and one was opening not far from my apartment. I was beginning to shift gears. Since I was having trouble in an office setting type job, I thought if I could get a job working with my hands, I could distract my brain. I met the Assistant Manager for an interview and was offered a job a few days later. It was a job for minimum wage, $5.15/hour. 

A quick pause here because it’s important to note this job and the minimum wage offer. I was a college graduate and making minimum wage. 

Now back to the story…something else was shifting, although I couldn’t possibly have known it back then. I had begun attending a church in Northwest Houston and found a woman who had her counseling certificate. She was offering her services free of charge to members of the church, and I began seeing her to talk through the anxiety I was experiencing. I was already incredibly nervous to begin yet another job for obvious reasons and on top of that I had created a realistic fear within myself that I wouldn’t be able to handle it…much like a self-fulfilling prophesy. Combine those together and ladies and gentlemen we have an almost perfect storm. But guess what? The storm dissipated before it had a chance to fully form.

On my first day at Super Suppers, we were tasked with cleaning the store to get ready for opening day. I spent several hours with rags, paper towels, and cleansing agents on my hands and knees scrubbing all the things. The following days consisted of prepping recipes in the kitchen and at the differing workstations. I enjoyed all of it! My hunch was correct, by keeping my hands busy, I was able to distract my mind. One day turned into a week and that turned into working at Super Suppers for 6 whole months. 

Several things happened at Super Suppers that helped get my feet back underneath me. First, I was learning to work with and through the anxiety.  Next, I was beginning to create a community. I was seeing the church counselor who was giving me an outlet to speak fears out loud. Sometimes fears can be incredibly scary when left unspoken. Letting them out with a trusted person dilutes them. I was beginning to build self-esteem again. I was beginning to have more steps forward than backward. I also met Jen who began working part time at Super Suppers. We became fast friends. She shared her challenges with anxiety and that she was working through some things too. She showed me that normal, regular people struggle and that it’s ok. Context is everything and hindsight too. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything it would be, “slow down, life isn’t a race. Sometimes the journey takes much longer than we wanted or anticipated. Sometimes we have to try different things until we find the right things. Sometimes we have to make baby steps when we want to take leaps. Everything will work out and be ok.” The key was to keep pressing forward and to keep shining a light in the dark corner that my big life change had caused. Jen, my counselor and Super Suppers were all shining lights in that darkness. 

The story isn’t finished yet. There’s more ground to cover from dog walking, to working nonprofit, fitness instructing and Corporate America. So, what happens next? Stay tuned and I’ll unfold the story in part 3 of this career series from a small-town girl in the big city.