Tag: exercise

Feelings and Resiliency

Feelings and Resiliency

My full time job has been marked with lots of feelings this year.

My company has had 15 – 20% headcount reductions (read as layoffs).

I was in the first round of reductions. Thankfully, I am still gainfully employed.

That is not true for many people, including the team I was a part for the last 2 years.

My former team’s positions were eliminated entirely. At the end of the first round, 2 teammates elected to retire or voluntarily leave; 4 were left standing (meaning they were laid off); and 3 of us were placed in other positions.

How rapidly it all happened was shocking. One day we were a team and the next I would not see some of my team members anymore.

Corporate world can be and is brutal. I’ve personally experienced headcount reductions 4 times in my 14 year career so far. I’m certain there will be more.

Beginning at the end of 2024, my team and others began preparing employees for what was coming.

The uncertainty that lingers for months in advance of knowing if you have a job or not is stressful!

We lean on tools to strengthen our resiliency during these times. These tools equip us for what will ultimately come. They remind us to be flexible and lean into strengths. Focus on what we can control and loosen our grip on what we cannot.

They are good reminders during this time. And while these tools don’t take away the hardship of enduring one of these reductions, it can help shift our mindset..

In February of 2025, I gave a presentation about Feelings and Resilience. Here is what I shared.

Referring to the Feeling Wheel, if you had to name the feeling(s) you have right now, what would it be?

Are you surprised that there are so many feelings? And yet, they can connect back to 6 core feelings.

What feelings do you tend to ignore?

Do you think it’s possible to ignore “bad” feelings and only experience “good” feelings? Why or why not?

Early this year, I finished reading Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.

What I didn’t know before I read the book was how much resiliency is incorporated into imperfection.

Brene writes, when we become more accepting of uncomfortable feelings, we become more flexible and can enjoy life more fully even with feelings of discomfort.

In her book she notes:

  • Shame, guilt, fear, despair, disappointment, and sadness are difficult feelings that tend to cause vunerability, discomfort, and pain.
  • The most powerful feelings we experience have very sharp points, like the tip of a thorn.
  • Which usually leads to modes of distraction to get away from the uncomfortable feelings. Such as…mindless scrolling, eating, drinking, shopping, staying busy, work, choas, etc.

Everyone moves away from feelings of discomfort.

We also must remember that we cannot selectively ignore feelings.

“When we numb the dark, we numb the light.”

We can’t make a list of “bad” feelings and say, “I’m going to ignore these” and then list the positive feelings and say, “I’m going to fully engage in these!”

It doesn’t work that way.

Let’s explore the feeling of Joy.

To love and/or believe in something with your whole heart; to engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees…these involve the risk of vulnerability and often pain.

AND

Great joy can come from them.

Feelings of hopelessness, fear, blame, pain, discomfort, vulnerability, and disconnection sabotage our resilience and well being.

The only experience broad and fierce enough to combat a list like that is the belief that we’re all in this together and that something greater than ourselves has the capacity to bring love and compassion into our lives.

Practicing spirituality is what brings about healing and creates resilience.

Spirituality is being able to adhere to beliefs, principles or values needed to persevere and prevail in accomplishing missions.

Here is an example of the ways I’ve leaned into my spirituality practice.

Having a sense of purpose, meaning, and perspective in our lives allows us to develop understanding and move forward. Without purpose, meaning, and perspective, it is easy to lose hope, numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our circumstances.

We feel reduced, less capable, and lost in the face of struggle. The heart of spirituality is connection and through that, we won’t feel alone.

How do you know that you are ignoring uncomfortable feelings?

Recognizing and leaning into (not away) from discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude, and grace.

We live in a both/and world.

We can experience discomfort and joy. They are not mutually exclusive.

When you have the awareness, what can you do to practice leaning into the discomfort?

How can you lean into the discomfort of vulnerability and let joy in as well?

Exercise Prompt:

Hold up both hands, palms up and open. Can you practice holding the feelings of discomfort in one hand and the “good” feelings in the other hand? In fact, write on one open palm your feelings of discomfort and then write the “good” feelings on the other open palm. Practicing holding and experiencing both.

Silent Retreat 2025: Table Exercise

Silent Retreat 2025: Table Exercise

If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 yet of the Silent Retreat 2025 series, see links for the full story. 

The final morning of the retreat, Danielle was the first up to make breakfast for all of us.

As the cabin slowly began waking up, each of us wandered to the kitchen. We were still in silence. Some ate breakfast at the long kitchen table. Others took their breakfast on the back porch or in the living room. 

I pulled up a chair facing the window, ate my breakfast, and continued reading my Living Fearless book until time to meet in the living room. This gathering would indicate our coming out of silence.

Danielle led us in songs of praise and scripture. Then the focus is back to us and she asks who would like to share how God met us in our silence.

It’s not a requirement to share. It’s an invitation with what you feel comfortable sharing.

Each woman’s experience was unique. Each was tender, sweet, and sometimes heartbreaking too. Life stuff that needed to surface in the slowing down and silence so God could tenderly be near and have the opportunity to love, care, and begin the healing. 

I decided to share something I wrote which was prompted at the very beginning of silence.

Rewind back to the first night. Danielle prompted us to take part in an exercise using our holy imaginations.

What is holy imagination? God created you after His own image. God has an incredible imagination. Have you enjoyed a painted sky at sunset or sunrise? What about a giraffe or zebra? Then, you have experienced His imagination in creation. I think He may have a sense of humor too.

God created your imagination also. With His Spirit living within us, we are capable of using our holy imaginations while asking Him to guide us.

That first night, Danielle prompted us to close our eyes and imagine a table. What does the table look like? How many chairs? Where is the table? Is there a distinct scent or smell? 

You are at the table and Jesus appears too. Where are you sitting? Where is Jesus sitting? What does Jesus look like?

Jesus asks you if there’s something of value you’d like to give Him. What is it? What do you have to give Jesus?

What happens when you give it to Him?

Jesus also has something to give to you. What does He have for you? What happens when He gives it to you?

Do you have a conversation with Jesus? What does He say to you? What do you say to Him?

Below is my result of the exercise and what I shared with the ladies as part of my experience with God during that weekend.

Circle table. Where? No characteristics to the room. Only 2 chairs. No distinct smell. What am I holding that is of value to give to Jesus? 

Control.

Jesus sits down directly across from me. 

What does He look like?

He looks kind. Long hair. Beard. Gentle smile.

“Is there something you’d like to give me?” He asks. A gentle question.

My eyes immediately fill with tears and the tears fall from my face to the table.

I know He’s asking for something that is not and was never mine. And yet it’s something I hold onto so tightly because it feels like I am in control. 

I get to make decisions. I get to choose where my life goes next.

The control I have to give Him is lies.

It’s a lie I’ve believed in for so long so I could feel safety and security. 

It’s all an illusion.

Jesus knows this and He knows I’m coming to that conclusion too.

“What would you like to give me?” He gently asks again.

“Control,” I reply with an emotion filled voice and tear filled eyes.

The control I have is represented as a hand-sized white orb that glows.

I take it from my lap and put it on the table. I stare at it scared to let it go because it represents that I can control my fears. 

And if I don’t have it, what then? Am I doomed? Will I disappear? Will I survive? What will become of me?

I look across the table to Jesus with tears running down my face.

“I know,” He whispers. 

His eyes are kind and compassionate. He extends His arms across the table to meet me in my dilemma. 

Again, an invitation.

This gives me a bit more courage to push the white orb of control to the middle of the table where Jesus’ hands are.

It’s only then that I notice His hands. They are large, masculine yet soft. They remind me of my Dad’s hands. Then, I remember that my Dad was made in His image too.

I see the scars on His hands and a new wave of emotion strikes me.

Jesus did not control the cruxifixction. He asked God to “let this cup pass from me”. There was no other way and He let His Father’s will be done. 

He chose to not control. He surrendered. 

Jesus knows the temptation to control and how hard it is to surrender.

Even though the white, glowing orb of control is now in the middle of the table, I have not let go of it yet.

Jesus’ hands are open to receive and I open mine to release, to let go…

The white orb rolls into His hands. He pulls it into Himself and it’s gone. 

His hands come back to meet mine. “I know how hard that was,” he says. 

“You were holding onto something that was not real, something that the harder you gripped it, the more life it took from you.”

“Now, your hands are open and ready to receive the gifts and blessings I have for you instead. Now, you can carry me with you to combat the fears, the hardships, the scary things in your life. You can grip and hold onto me as tightly as you’d like. I am not going anywhere. I am with you always. I have always been with you. With the relinquishment of control, you have made room for me.”

“I am real. I am truth. You traded what is false for what is true. How much better is that? Do not grieve letting go of lies. Stand firm in truth. You are my daughter. I know your heart and I love you,” Jesus says to me. 

What do you have that is valuable to you to give to Jesus today? What do you think He has for you?

Lead the way, Lord. Amen.

Part 4: Career Confessions from a Small Town Girl in the Big City

This article was originally published in the Tishomingo County News, linked here.

If you missed parts 1 – 3, find them linked here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

The downsides to working with Downtown Paws were twofold; working outside also meant working in the rain and I was alone all day. While I processed my mother’s death, I think being alone was good. There came a time, however, that I needed to be around people, and I was ready for a new challenge. After some job applications and interviews, I received a position with the church I was attending, West Houston Church of Christ (WHCC). This job meant I would be back in an office setting. Was I nervous? Yes! Did I think things were going to be different this time? I wasn’t sure. This was somewhere familiar and with people I knew, so it seemed less threatening. This job was the Administrative Assistant to the Senior Minister. He was relatively low maintenance, and my main responsibilities were found in creating weekly and quarterly publications; event planning; database management; etc. I was able to lean into my creative and analytical skillsets in this job and it came with a pay increase.

I think it’s important to pause here and note that some people know exactly who and what they want to be when they grow up. I admire these people who know their strengths and relentlessly pursue them. For me, though, it wasn’t about what or who I wanted to be. I was still trying to figure out how to survive. I was still trying to manage this anxiety and I hadn’t had enough space from it to know if the worst were behind me. If I could characterize my career journey to this point it would be like a map. My map was really hard to read and had many, many detours because of construction. I was building something. It was painfully slow, brick by brick. 

I was holding my breath those first couple of weeks at WHCC…not sure if I would sink or swim. The familiarity of the place and people helped. I know, I know, when you think about working at a church, you probably think a very small office and older employees. These assumptions would be incorrect. The office staff was made up of 12 employees. Almost half the staff, including myself, were in their mid to late 20’s. But everyone was young at heart, especially Andy who was always so positive, happy and randomly bursting out in song. He was the worship minister. Mary was extremely kind to me with the loss of my mom and she became like a second mom. Shawn, she became my best friend. James and Tim were supportive and encouraging. We all were a great team. We worked hard and had fun too. I worked at WHCC for 3 years.

Something in me had shifted after my mom’s death. She had been very sick with diabetes that led to kidney failure. She had congestive heart failure among other ailments. I wanted to honor my mom’s memory by taking better care of my health. That led to joining the YMCA which coincidentally was only a block from WHCC. Going to fitness classes became my favorite pastime. Pro tip: exercise is GREAT for anxiety! It only took one kickboxing class taught by Misty and I was hooked. Misty became my personal trainer for a while. One day she asked me, “Why don’t you become a fitness instructor? You’d be great at it.” The thought never crossed my mind, but the seed was planted. With Misty’s help, I studied and became a certified fitness instructor. Not only was I working full time at WHCC, now I was teaching up to 10 classes a week and I loved every minute of it! 

The anxiety of working in an office setting was subsiding. I was building more confidence and self-esteem by teaching and helping others become better versions of themselves. I had the best, most fun students. The best compliment I have ever received was being nicknamed “Coach”. Who would have ever thought this shy, small-town girl would be leading boot camp, kickboxing, weight training classes, and getting paid to do it? Certainly not me.

Context is everything and hindsight too. When I reflect on how I got to this point in my story, it’s not nearly as much about me as it is about the people that walked beside me at the right times just as God intended. The ones that held up a mirror to reflect back to me my strengths and talents. Without those people, I wouldn’t have had courage or recognized my strengths. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything it would be, “Don’t discount the people along your journey. Listen to them. Believe them when they tell you that you are good at something. Don’t be afraid to lean on people. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. God has a plan for you.” 

Remember what I referenced in Part 3? The ebbs and flows of life and even if professional success is happening, it doesn’t always bleed over into personal success. What many didn’t know was my marriage was on the rocks. Things may have looked great on the outside, but they weren’t on the inside. My marriage would eventually end. This would be the third major life event which would forge a path to Corporate America.

So, what happens next? How did I move forward? Only 2 articles left! Stay tuned and I’ll unfold the story in part 5 of this career series from a small-town girl in the big city.