prayer | Perspective Confessions

100 Days of Prayer – Part 2

Click here for Part 1 of 100 Days of Prayer.

By the end of January, I completed 100 days of prayer.

What I loved most was the consistency—the daily return, the discipline of intention. In a modern world that moves relentlessly fast, continual focus on anything feels countercultural. This practice invited me to slow down, to be deliberate, to remain present with God day after day.

As I approached the end of the 100 days, something unexpected happened.

I realized it was becoming less about what I was praying for.

It was less about my circumstances, less about the situations, and less about what I wanted God to do.

Instead, I sensed a gentle prompting from God—through the Holy Spirit—redirecting my attention to something deeper: my faith.

I captured this realization in a journal entry near the end of the practice:

I realize I’ve been praying similar prayers every day for almost 100 days. I’ve loved this practice—coming to You, God, with greater confidence, knowing what I want to say. It has strengthened my confidence in prayer. And now, I’m beginning to wonder if my prayer should change. I feel more resolved in one situation I’ve brought to You repeatedly. But what I want from You, Lord, is absolute clarity. Will I have that? No.

Lord, what do You want me to know right now? What is true? Faith is not certainty—that’s why it’s faith.

Scripture echoes this truth again and again. Faith is not something we see; it is something we hope for. Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

“By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.” – Hebrews 1:3

Jesus speaks of faith as small as a mustard seed—tiny, unimpressive, easily overlooked—yet capable of extraordinary growth. A seed that moves mountains. A seed that uproots trees. A seed that changes everything.

Matthew 17:20 – “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “move from here to there” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Mustard seed scripture references: Matthew 13:31-32; Mark 4:30-32; Luke 17:6

Faith, then, is action without absolutes—anchored not in outcomes, but in who God is.

“I do believe; help me in my unbelief.” – Mark 9:24
“Come quickly to help me, Lord.” – Psalms 38:22
“Everything is possible for the one who believes.” – Mark 9:23

Over these 100 days, I began to see that the practice wasn’t meant to guarantee answers or clarity. It was shaping my trust, my faith in God.

God didn’t part the Red Sea for the Israelites after they saw the way forward. He made a way as they walked in obedience. Moses stepped forward in faith long before certainty appeared. Exodus 13:17-22; Exodus 14:21-22

And in my own quiet way, I noticed the same pattern. More peace than anxiety. More clarity of heart than clarity of circumstance. More encouragement than discouragement.

I also noticed how easily my faith drifts and wavers toward earthly assurances—control, outcomes, timelines—rather than resting fully in God. And that’s not where I want my trust to live.

Faith is action without absolutes, but the belief in those absolutes is God. That God is who He says He is.

So perhaps the 100 days of prayer were never primarily about changing my situation.

Perhaps they were about strengthening my faith.

Learning to let go, to let God.
Learning to trust.
Learning to follow—even when the path isn’t fully visible.

Lord, lead the way.
I need You.

Amen.

I haven’t begun a new 100 days of prayer yet, but I intend to.

Why don’t you join me? What has been on your mind and heart that you’d like to talk to God for 100 days about?

He’s ready.

He’s listening.

He wants to hear from you.

A Prayer to Begin Your Day

Late in 2025, I began 100 days of prayer. You can read more about it here.

I recently concluded those 100 days, praying intentionally about two specific topics. I plan to write more about that full experience—what it was like and what I learned—soon. Stay tuned.

What surprised me most is how prayer began to weave itself throughout my days more naturally than before.

And I’m certainly not mad about that.

It’s almost as if the structure of 100 days of intentional prayer gave me space to focus deeply, and then opened the door for prayer to spill into other areas of my life. Once I slowed down enough to pray intentionally, I found myself wanting to pray more—about everything.

In the mornings, my prayers look different depending on the day.

Sometimes, I pray a simple prayer as I begin my morning. Other days, I return to Matthew 6:9–13, the Lord’s Prayer.

I also have a prayer I wrote several years ago saved on my phone. Some mornings, I pray it out loud.

And some mornings, I sit with my husband and we pray together.

Lately, this is a prayer I’ve been praying. If you’re struggling to find the words, please feel free to use it.

A Morning Prayer

Lord, lead the way today. Help me to walk in and with Your Spirit.
Thank You for another day. I will rejoice and be glad in it, because this is a day You have made.

I invite You into my day—into my actions, words, thoughts, deeds, and interactions.
I can’t do this day without You, and I don’t want to do this day without You.

Help me remember that no matter the challenges or worries I carry today, You are already there. You already know. You are already working.

Help me to trust You. Strengthen my faith. Help me in my unbelief. I do believe, Lord, but I am still uncertain at times.

Help me remember that You are God and I am not. I am the sinner, and You are the Savior.

I want to hear from You, Lord. I am listening today. Help me hear Your voice above all others.

Thank You for making a way to be in relationship with You through Jesus. Thank You for being kind, even when I struggle to see it.

Thank You for never changing in a constantly changing world. Thank You for the hope of eternity with You.

Thank You for all that You do and all that You are.

Amen.

Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray—and He will.

When you ask Him, don’t be surprised if you begin praying differently. You may find yourself trying new ways of praying, new rhythms, new words. That’s not confusion—that’s guidance.

The most important thing to remember is this: God wants to hear from His children. Talk to Him.

There isn’t a right or wrong way. He simply wants you.

Grounding my mornings in prayer helps set the tone for my day. Even just a few minutes of pausing before the busyness begins makes a difference.

Use this prayer if it helps—and then make it your own.

100 Days of Prayer

Last year, an account I follow on Instagram, @bailshenry, shared the goal of not eating out at restaurants for all of 2024!

Considering how busy our lives are…this was an interesting goal. It would be a challenging goal.

Needless to say, she attracted a lot of followers, including me. We watched what she was making at home and serving her family. We watched as she and her family fulfilled their goal.

Bailey also lives in Mississippi and is a graduate from Mississippi State University, both of which are bonuses in my book! #hailstate

Recently, Bailey shared about the practice of 100 days of prayer.

When she shared about this practice, she didn’t think there would be much response. Instead, she was pleasantly surprised.

Many were curious and wanted to know how she did it.

She has a highlight reel on her account about it and shared how she structures hers.

Since the beginning of October, I’ve been struggling with some challenges. I was already praying about it.

Then, I remembered the 100 days of prayer practice that Bailey shared. I re-watched her highlight reels on how she structures hers and then set out to do my own.

I started by writing down the 2 situations that I wanted to pray about for 100 days.

Nothing too in depth. Bullet points about both situations.

I wrote out above the 2 prayer circumstances what the starting date of my 100 days would be and then end date.

It’s important to note that while you can track the 100 days…God is not impressed with the amount of days you are praying.

What is important is that God wants to hear from His children.

And even though He already knows the needs, the circumstances, and situations, He wants to hear from you about it.

If you are a mom or dad, don’t you want to know what on your children’s hearts and minds?

Especially if they are struggling?

Even if you know they are struggling?

With God, it’s no different. He wants to hear from His children.

I’ve never prayed with the same or similar prayer for 100 days.

As I write this, I’m 38 days into the 100 days.

Here are 5 things that I’ve noticed:

For 38 days, I’ve prayed the same or similar prayer over the 2 situations out loud.
There have been times I’ve gotten on my knees to pray. Not every time.
- Kneeling isn’t something I’ve done often in my prayer life either, however, I can say that it humbles me.
- It’s a symbol of reverence. He is God, I am not.
These prayers are not limited to only the 2 circumstances.
- I use this time to pray for other people and situations too.
I’ve been surprised how I like the repetition of praying the same or similar prayer.
- It is becoming a rhythm in my day. I don’t have to come up with a prayer. I already know and then can add on as needed.
- Sometimes praying can feel overwhelming with the uncertainty of what to say. The repetition is helpful.
- I find that I am praying more confidently.
Jeff and I have prayed together more often.
- We take turns praying.

I didn’t know what to expect when I began this practice. I’m so glad I started and have been consistently praying.

While I don’t have total clarity over the 2 situations, I have slight clarity on a piece of it.

God is moving. And He will answer.

It may not be the answers that I’m looking for or what I want.

That’s ok, too.

I want His voice to be the loudest in my life.

Less of me and more of Him.

Amen.

Conversations with God – Video

We have so many voices speaking into our lives these days. More than our parents and grandparents because of the social media platforms, the internet, and streaming services, etc, that we have nowadays.

This is the video version of my Conversations with God. I wrote about it recently, linked here. If a 40 second video is more your speed than reading, I’ve got you covered. Just press play below.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from God recently, take a few moments to ask God, “how do you delight in me?”. Then, listen for His response. How He speaks to you will be unique to you just like it was for me. My cat being brought to my mind was unique and specific in how He spoke to me.

God is listening and He wants to hear from you.

Conversations with God

In this post, we will explore how to have conversations with God. It’s easier than what you might think!

What does a cat have to do with talking with God?

Well, in this conversation with God, a lot!

There have been quite a few times that I’ve retreated for quiet time with God and this furbaby comes to find me. He’s a very cute and cuddly interruption. 😆

Purrcy is my sweet boy.

A few years ago, I completed a weekend retreat. While there, I learned how to make space for God. I learned that it’s not nearly as important as what I say in prayer as it is being with God…thus being silent and still. In this way, it’s much easier to hear God when He speaks. And He does speak to us, we just have to make space and learn to discern His voice.

Don’t we need to hear from Him now more than ever?!

A while before this weekend retreat, I had started asking God questions and listening. One Saturday morning before I got out of bed, I asked God, “how do you delight in me?” The first thing that popped into my mind was a picture of Purrcy and my eyes welled up with tears. If God delights in me like I delight in Purrcy, that says a lot to me. God knew just how to answer my question that morning. It was an impactful answer…that He delights in me, He loves me freely with no holds barred. He delights in holding me close. He delights in my personality, in my heart, and how He made me. He loves me easily and He can even use a special furry friend to show me.

I hope you are seeing and hearing God in all the places in your life, because He is whispering. He is everywhere around us. As your week or day wraps up, I hope you find space to ask God “how do you delight in me?”. Then, listen for his prompting. For me, this practice helps me combat anxiety and the stress from my crazy, busy life. I want this same thing for you too. To know that you are delighted in, that you are loved by a mighty Heavenly Father, and that you are held by Him.

Want more resources for how you can practice silence and stillness, and combat our noisy, modern world? Check out this post.

Silent Retreat 2025: Being Present

Make sure to read Part 1 of my experience at Awaken Silent Retreat.

The prayer path continued on the other side of the creek. I wasn’t able to cross, so I backtracked to the main gravel road.

From there, I had 2 choices. Turn right back to the cabin or go left and see what else I could find.

I chose left and spotted another path connected to a very wide expanse of rock shore next to the creek.

I could hear the sound of the moving water, and I heard the sound of falling water hitting rock. It was much like the sound of a good, heavy rain hitting concrete.

On the opposite side of the creek was a rock and tree embedded mountainside. I was searching for where the sound of falling water was coming from. I couldn’t see it, only hear it.

I walked closer letting sound be my guide, and found it! The morning’s storm had made little waterfalls coming off the mountainside. The water was smacking the rock as it fell.

I sat down on the rocky bank to take it all in. Being so close to the water, I was entertained with the tiniest fish jumping out of the water’s surface. I couldn’t help but think it was God’s smile. I was sitting still, not distracted. I was taking time to relish in His beautiful creation.

Sitting there, I was reminded of a guided meditation I once experienced. It was guiding me to clear my mind. When a thought came to mind, it told me to think about moving water in a creek. Release the thought and let it be washed away with the moving water.

For someone who’s mind never stops having thoughts, this was an exercise and analogy that stuck. It’s a great visual tool.

Sin and baptism. Washing away in the water.

As I watched the moving water, I’m noticed the logs, sticks, and leaves that was being carried in it’s current. Carrying them away much like my thoughts.

Between the falling water that sounded like rain, to the sound of the moving, gurgling water, the water lapping the rock shore, and seeing the water move at the same pace and rhythm…this was its own guided meditation.

God’s guided meditation.

Tan, brown water. Rock mountainside with pops of vibrant green.

Rock shore with smooth river rock all shapes, sizes, and all smooth. I’m sure from the moving water. Tan, cream, rust, red, yellow, orange, white rocks speckling the shoreline.

I sat there capturing the scenery with my journal and pen. I didn’t have a camera with me, and I wanted to hold this beautiful place and moment in my memory.

There was more weather moving in. It was evident by the distant thunder rumbling and the darkening skies. I knew my time by the creek was coming to an end, so I walked back up the main gravel road back to the cabin.

I made it back just in time as the pouring rain began again and lunch was ready too.

Danielle always makes wonderful meals for us. Lunch was a charcuterie board spread across the counter with a delightful assortment of meats, cheeses, fruits, nuts, crackers, etc.

After lunch, it was still raining. The cabin had a large front porch with several rocking chairs. I snagged a rocking chair and watched the rain.

When I say it stormed and down poured rain, I mean it really did! Thunder so loud and booming it shook the ground beneath me. The rain did not let up!

Regardless, several of the ladies, including myself, sat and rocked, and enjoyed the storm. I read the Living Fearless book again. This book has prayer and journal prompts. Highly recommend!

My hubby had given me a birthday present for my trip. Complete with my favorite snacks and a devotional coloring book. I had not colored in so long and this was a perfect opportunity.

Rocking, watching the rain, coloring, reading, journaling, feeling the thunder underneath me.

God is powerful, peaceful, and mighty. Rain, lightening, and thunder…peaceful yet mighty and powerful.

The rain continued. Danielle was keeping tabs on the weather. She let us know we were also under a tornado warning.

How do you communicate with others when you are at a silent retreat? Good old fashioned paper, pen, and the passing of notes.

And even though torrential storms surrounded us, I never felt fear. Instead, I felt like God had tucked me under His wing. He was taking care of us. And I knew that this was a special time with Him.

What does it mean to spend uninterrupted time with God? What do you do with the time?

Ask God to lead the way. What do you feel prompted to do after you’ve asked God to lead the way?

Read your Bible
Read a book
Color
Sit
Walk
Knit
Cross Stitch
Pray
Journal
Rest
Something else?

There are many things you could do during silent time with God. The important thing is to ask Him and let Him lead.

Don’t come into silence with an agenda of what you want to do or get done. Let Him lead the way.

Both times I’ve attended Awaken Silent Retreats, God has brought my attention to His beautiful creation. I’m not an outdoorsy type usually. I think this is God’s way of slowing me down, bringing me into being present, and reminding me of who’s I am.

There’s more of my Silent Retreat experience to unpack. Stay tuned for next week’s installment!

Silent Retreat 2025: Personal Wellbeing

A few months ago, I wrote about my first experience attending Awaken Silent Retreat, posts linked here and here.

And only 5 months later, I attended again. This time on my birthday weekend!

The Silent Retreat was in a different location this time. It was hosted at Shepherd of the Ozarks (SOTO), located in the heart of the Ozark mountains in Harriett, Arkansas.

The total drive for me was around 8 hours from Houston, Texas to Harriett, Arkansas.

I had never been to the Ozark Mountains before. It is beautiful! The last hour of the drive was breathtaking! It reminded me of the Smoky Mountains.

When I arrived, I parked and unloaded my car only to reload my things into a truck. The truck would cross the creek and take me the remaining distance to the cabin.

The creek crossing reminded me of the creek you cross going to J.P. Coleman State Park. My Iuka, Mississippi friends will know what I mean.

But the creek at SOTO was much larger and required a 4-wheel drive vehicle.

The weather forecast was looking like a lot of rain. What we didn’t know is that there would be record breaking rain that weekend.

After unloading our things, we settled into the kitchen where a meal had thoughtfully been prepared for all of us.

As you can see from the photo, there were 19 ladies in attendance.

The cabin was gigantic, about 7,600 square feet. It was 3 levels with numerous bedrooms. Plenty of room to spread out both in the cabin and on the front and back porches.

All during dinner, there was talking and conversation. After dinner, we gathered in the living area. Danielle led us in worship songs and scripture. She guided us in an exercise to use our holy imagination that prepared our minds for the weekend of silence.

Then, with our phones turned into Danielle, we shifted into silence.

When I returned to my room, I was met with interesting visitors in the bathroom. Not 1, not 2, but 3 wasps were in my bathroom! I had to summon help from Danielle to get rid of them.

The wasps would prove to be interesting violators of my silent weekend.

It rained, thundered, and lightened much of the night. As the day broke, so did the weather. Many of the ladies were going outside to explore the outdoors. It was beautiful scenery at SOTO. I had heard some of them talk about a prayer walk the night before. The hike had signs with scripture prompts along the path. This is where I wanted to go.

I packed up my journal and pen in my bag. Grabbed a coffee to go and set out to find this path. I found the prayer walk and started to doubt if I should continue. Since it had been raining the night prior, it was muddy and where the path began, it was steep. I hesitated, but decided to at least go a little ways before giving up.

My next hurdle was wooden planks that served as bridges without hand rails over shallow ravines. When stepping on the wooden planks, they bowed under my weight. I must have stepped forward and stepped backward at least 3 or 4 times.

I was out of my comfort zone. And then I laughed at myself, “says the girl that drove 8 hours alone to be at a silent retreat.”

This gave me gusto to cross the plank quickly only to be met with a second plank to cross. I didn’t hesitate as much with this one.

I came to the first scripture prompt, Psalms 96, a psalm of praise. It seemed so appropriate given the beautiful mountains and the gurgling creek below me. I sat in silence and read the scripture through again and enjoyed the sights of the beautiful landscape.

The next scripture prompt on the path was Psalms 32:1-7, a psalm of confession.

“When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.”

I was struck with how the verse spoke to me. If I hide and keep sin in my life a secret, I will waste away. Sin is detrimental physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The part about “your hand was heavy upon me” says to me that your conscious is speaking about the sin. Sin preoccupies our lives and takes our strength. The relief from the bind of sin is to confess it to the Lord.

This was an humbling experience on the prayer path…to sit in silence and to sit with truth.

I continued on the path only to come to another crossing. The path continued on the other side of the creek. I was wearing tennis shoes and given the rain the night before, the creek was high.

I decided I would not cross. Instead I found a makeshift perch on a rock and decided to sit and take in God’s beauty He created.

Because I did not have my phone or camera, my journal and pen served to capture the beauty.

It’s easy to forget to use all our senses when we experience something. We carry these mini computers with us all day, i.e. phones. It’s easy to snap a photo, but what else other than the visual did you experience?

Writing down what I was seeing, hearing, and feeling helped me capture the moment and embed it in my mind. Here’s what I wrote:

“Water gurgling and bubbling. Water falling that sounds like water filling up a bathtub. Very vibrant greens from the moss on the sides of the trees and rocks to the grass and buds on awakening trees from their winter’s nap. The simplicity of beauty. The grass, the trees, the moss, and the water doing nothing other than what they were designed to do. No rush, no busy, just being what they are supposed to be. They are all enough, more than enough. Flowing water around the bend and out of sight. Not in a hurry, but a constant flow. Roots that create the perfect natural stair steps to the water. Lavender flowers. Are those weeds? Does it matter? I’ve never seen this place. It feels like a gift from God as I journeyed to spend uninterrupted time with Him. The temperature is perfect. Not hot, not cold. Mossy, velvet carpet. Soft to the touch. And purple flowers popping out here and there among the fresh greenery.”

If you’ve been reading my blog, you may find that I write often about silence and stillness. Silence and stillness are tools. They are spiritual disciplines. They are practices to have greater personal wellbeing.

Our modern world is noisy and busy.

What are you missing by getting swept away in the constant demand on your time and the distractions?

What if you carved out time for silence and stillness? What do you think would happen?

Maybe you’d notice and experience the world around you like I experienced being in the mountains and by the creek.

Maybe you’d experience all of your senses.

Maybe you’d be aware of more.

Many think that silence is taking things away, like your phone and distractions. While that’s true, what’s also true is thinking about what silence could give you/add back instead.

Stay tuned! Next week, I’ll continue writing about my experience with a Silent Retreat weekend.

How to Pray While Navigating Uncertainty

Stress and Uncertainty

This past week has been a difficult one. The company that I work for full-time is going through a re-structure. This isn’t the first one I’ve experienced, rather I’ve experienced many. You can read more about that in this post here. Company restructures are never easy and this one feels more stressful than those of the past. I empathize with anyone that has faced something like this. When faced with uncertainty, it calls upon your resilience muscles to be strong and exercised more.

*Making a note to myself now for a future resiliency post. Coming soon!*

Prayer is Absolutely a Strategy

During the restructure in 2020, I wrote a prayer as I was navigating through it. It has been a powerful prayer that I’ve come back to time and time again. I have it written in my notes app on my phone so I have it with me always.

I have found myself this past week reading through past prayer journal entries to remind myself of whose I am. I’ve needed the reminders that work does not define who I am. My job title does not. The company I work for does not. Rather, Jesus, has already found me worthy by dying for me on the cross. That is my worth and value. He is where my worth and value are. And I pray that you know that you have that same worth and value in Jesus too. He loves you. He cares for you. Just as He loves and cares for each of us. Even me. And I’ve needed that reminder this week. Romans 8:35 and Romans 8:38-39. Nothing can separate us from His love.

Let Us Pray Together

Here’s the prayer I wrote back in 2020. Please borrow it as you need. Use it if you are struggling to find the words to talk to our Heavenly Father.

Heavenly Father,

How easy it is to be thrown off track, to become uncentered. The world feels unstable. Instead of clinging to you, I run away. I hide and busy myself to ignore it all. I know you are the King of Kings, the creator of all. You are more powerful and mighty than any trouble, any stress, any worry. The enemy loves to play his games with my emotions, my doubts, my fears, my vulnerabilities. Jesus, I invite you in this moment with me. I need you. Fill me with your peace and joy. Ground me in your truth. Quiet my mind. Make still my nerves. Help me remember whose I am. Help me remember that you and you alone have control no matter the level of choas. Lord Jesus, in your name, I cast away the worry and fear. In your name, Father, I cast aside the anxiety. Fear does not come from you. Love comes from you! I need you always in my life. I am open to your love, your peace, your spirit. Lord Jesus, in your name this day will not be overwhelming, it will be successful, it will be okay. This day cannot overtake me, and it cannot overwhelm me. This day does not have that power, control, or authority over me. This day does not have permission to be these things. Father, you are with me. You created this day, and I will rejoice in it. I am grounded in you. I am grounded in your truth. Regardless of the Goliath in this day or in this season of my life…even if I only have a slingshot and a rock, ALL things are possible with you. Truth always stands. Hope is not silent. I am the daughter of the King. My worth and value is found in you. You hold my worth and value. Help me to stand grounded in that. Grant me the courage to stand firm and not waver. You created me and blessed me with talents and gifts that have a purpose. You have a bigger plan, a greater picture than this small piece that I can see in front of me. Help me rest in you, in your love. Lift my eyes to see you in the midst of the storm. Quiet my mind and fill me with your peace and joy. Holy Spirit, I pray that you come.

Amen.
Prayer by Carlynn Rainey-Crawford

Silence and Stillness: Tools for a Noisy, Modern World

This article was originally published in Tish Co News.

What is a Silent Retreat?

In November 2024, I drove all the way to Higden, Arkansas for a silent retreat hosted by Awaken Silent Retreat. Silent retreat = no talking and silent rest. Practicing silence means turning off and putting away all distractions. This helps us to better hear from God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It’s a spiritual discipline. It’s also a practice of being with yourself and hearing your own thoughts and voice. It’s a practice of resting. I’ve been practicing silence and stillness for a few years, read about it here.

How to Know if You Are a Good Candidate for a Silent Retreat?

How often are you quiet during the day? How often do you truly rest? When you lay down at night, is this the first time that you are quiet with no distractions? Does your mind spring to life with thoughts and worries? Yep, mine too. This means I’m not allowing time in the day, to think, to pray, or to process. In fact, I often work hard to keep from having to think, process, or feel because it seems overwhelming. It takes a lot of energy to keep pushing things down or away. This might be why feeling tired and overwhelmed are commonplace these days. We aren’t allowing space to just be; to be a human being instead of a human doing. When I first heard about this silent retreat, it was on a podcast, Prosperity with Purpose. The podcaster, Jessica Hefley, had recently attended. They had many wonderful things to say about it, and I immediately wanted to experience it too. She described it as a way to eliminate distraction, crowds, and hurry which stands between us and peace. These are tools the enemy uses to keep us separated from God.

Jesus spoke to his disciples in Mark 6:31a. He said, “Come away with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

I didn’t know much about this retreat. However, I trusted Jessica Hefley’s review on her podcast, Silent Retreat to 10x Your Life. So, I sought it out, signed up, and prepared myself to drive 7 hours to attend. That’s a key indicator that I was craving peace and rest. The drive wasn’t difficult at all. Much of the travel was familiar to me. This is because we usually travel through Arkansas on our way home to Iuka, MS.

Silent Retreat Experience

Once I arrived, I was greeted by Danielle, who was leading us that weekend. It was going to be a small group, only 5 of us. After introductions, we ate dinner all while still talking and getting to know one another. Then, we gathered in the living room. Danielle led us in a few songs of worship. She prepared our minds with scripture and then we closed with prayer. We turned off our phones and turned them in for the weekend, and we shifted into silence. Each of us had our own bedrooms and I quickly retired to mine. I was tired from the day’s drive. My usual routine for bed is watching TV and being on my phone. I had neither and I slept 8 hours that night! When I awoke and emerged from my room, breakfast had already been made. I took my coffee outside on the deck and then proceeded down to the lake shore to explore. I noticed deer and dog prints in the mud and the small, smooth rocks along the shore. I sat on top of a big rock overlooking the lake. Fishermen in boats would wave as they passed by. There was an island directly across from shore and kayaks could be used to get there. One of the ladies from the retreat had struck out on an island adventure. She was braver than I. I wandered back up to the cabin. I really didn’t want to read a book while I was at the retreat. I wanted to be silent and hear from God. My mind was not cooperating. I remembered Danielle’s prompting that sometimes it’s better to focus your mind on a book. I pulled from the library the one she recommended, “Living Fearlessly” by Jamie Winship. The book was incredibly helpful with prayer prompts and encouragement for listening for God’s voice. The book recommended to pray and write down what you hear or sense from God. Looking up from the book, I found myself noticing the leaves drop from the trees. This is what I wrote in my journal:

“Methodical drops. Not one leaf in a hurry, making its decent gracefully with swoops and spins. Not to be rushed. The leaves fall joyfully. The season changing and the leaves don’t try to stay. When it’s their time to go, they let go and fall freely. Not a worry or bother. They are doing what they are supposed to do. No argument, only a delightful freefall to make a crunchy carpet on the ground.”

Later, my attention was brought to the squirrels. I wrote about them, too:

“Scampering squirrels. Jumping from one branch to another. They must weigh a few ounces because the branches barely move under their weight. Back and forth they scale at least 15 trees. Never a misstep. They are skilled tree climbers and jumpers. Never needing the ground to get to where they are going, instead they navigate tree city. Scampering to gather food for the day. Methodically searching for the day’s allotment. They don’t spin or toll. They know they will be provided for; their creator provides for them.”

That evening, I found another big rock to perch upon with a blanket and watched over the lake. I loved seeing all nature’s details. The vibrant green weeds against the stark contrast of the rust brown rocks, the dormant gray trees and grass. The white and yellow flowers on the weeds. I was still and silent with no distractions. Because of this, I noticed all the landscape colors. I slept for 9 hours that night. We remained silent until 10:00 am on Sunday for a total of 40 hours of silence. After we broke our silence, Danielle led us with worship songs and scripture. We each shared what our experience had been. God met each of us right where we needed Him…all in unique and different ways. For me, it was God bringing me into the present to notice the leaves, the squirrels, and the color palette along the shoreline. My mind is usually so distracted with worries that it’s hard to be present. All in all, it was an absolute wonderful experience and I already went back for another one this April! (I’ll write about that experience soon too!)

Silence is an Neglected Gift

Our world is filled with distractions. Unless we are intentional with who and what is gaining our attention, the distractions will win every time. The silent retreat was a way to encourage me to find pockets of time to be silent. To put away the phone, take a walk in nature, and be silent and still. Silence is rare and an often-neglected gift.

Part 7: Career Confessions From a Small Town Girl in the Big City

If you are just joining this series, catch up here: Career Confessions parts 1-6.

Career Confessions Bonus

Surprise, there’s a bonus! The Career Confessions series isn’t done yet! The story is still unfolding. As I was originally writing the Career Confession series back in 2023, I received an offer for a new job within Chevron. This time the position of Leadership Coach. In this role, I would coach leaders. Brand new leaders, influential leaders, seasoned leaders leading new teams, and any individual contributor that would like to take part in coaching. Each one of us has a leader within capable of learning leadership behaviors, and exercising them for lasting, sustainable results at work.

Imposter Syndrome

With any new job, feelings and thoughts can surface that say “I’m not qualified”, “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “why did they pick me?!”, “what if they find out I can’t do this?!”, “what if they find out I don’t have the skills?!”, and on and on the fearful thoughts spiral. I am not and was not immune. I had many of these exact thoughts when I was selected for this opportunity. This experience has a name, it’s called Imposter Syndrome. It’s not only limited to work…you might experience it if you are a new parent or in a new season of parenting. You might experience it when caring for an aging parent, or a new volunteer opportunity. Anything that gets you out of your comfort zone could have you experiencing imposter syndrome.

My new job as a Leadership Coach had me all in imposter syndrome. Anxiety had taken center stage a few times and I was battling through it. Remember the anxiety I wrote about experiencing in Part 1 and Part 2 of this series. Well, I was experiencing it again, but in a different way. I have tools to combat anxiety, and it was time to use them. I began thinking about Moses. Yes, Moses, the guy that God chose to be the spokesperson and leader of the Israelites. I felt that God had called me to this Leadership Coaching job and had created a way for me to do this job even if I felt over my head at times. I looked up the passages in Exodus and prayed through it. This is one way I battled with anxiety and imposter syndrome. I knew that if God had appeared to Moses in a burning bush and Moses said, “no, not me” to God, he must have had some serious imposter syndrome. I found comfort in knowing Moses felt less than, felt he wasn’t worthy, felt he didn’t speak well, felt he wasn’t up to the challenge. God doesn’t make mistakes and Moses had been chosen. This is how I prayed through scripture.

Praying Through Scripture

Scripture: Exodus 3:10-11 – So now, go, I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt. But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

Prayer: Lord, how many times have you called me to action? How many times have I not heard or chose not to hear? Fear standing between you and me and what you are calling me to do. I am thankful for your word and for Moses. He doubted his worth. He doubted you, Lord. He doubted his capabilities.

Scripture: Exodus 3:12 – And God said, “I will be with you…”

Prayer: And yet you were patient and reassured Moses.

Scripture: Exodus 4:1 – Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me.”

Scripture: Exodus 4:10-15 – Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”

Prayer: Even with your reassurance, Lord, Moses still doubts.

Scripture: Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite?” I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you and will be glad to see you. You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do.”

Prayer: Lord, you were resolute in your choosing of Moses for the Israelites’ spokesperson. You pursued him. You were steadfast. May I remember this when I feel your calling of me. Thank you for your word that shows the imperfection of people. There is comfort in the human disbelief…that it’s not just me. Your calling is intentional. You teach, walk beside, and equip those you call. You never forsake. Thank you, Father, for showing me in your word that imposter syndrome is not new; that doubt is common in human flesh. May I apply this wisdom to my life. Hide this teaching in my heart. Grant me courage to overcome the doubt and fear to step out in faith. Help me, Father, to humbly obey and follow you. Thank you for your grace and your patience with me as I continually work to train my ears to hear your callings amongst all the worldly noise. Give me sensitivity to your whispers and nudges. Amen

Tools to Battle Through Imposter Syndrome

Sometimes falling on our knees in prayer is the exact right way to battle. Did this prayer make the imposter syndrome go away? No, it didn’t. However, it kept me showing up to each meeting with each leader. It led me to pray before each coaching session and invite God into that conversation. These scriptures were a reminder that God equips who He has called. He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I knew by showing up even with the discomfort of imposter syndrome, I was going to gain more and more confidence. I was going to make mistakes. I was going to learn from them. I was going to be better because I was scared and sometimes being scared is a great motivator. It’s motivation to learn quickly so you don’t feel that way anymore. God was equipping me through the fear and through the imposter syndrome.

Scripture: James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I was only going to get through it by walking through it one step at a time. He used this opportunity to hold up a mirror to show me all the things I had the capabilities to do and had not recognized in myself yet. He was showing me that I was equipped all along, but I needed a nudge (or push) out in the middle of the ring…to feel exposed to grow into who He made me to be. I can’t tell you how many of the leaders I have coached that have told me about their imposter syndrome too. No one is immune. We are all fallible human beings. We are all capable of learning. We are all capable of growing. We are better by showing up and doing it scared. Don’t let the anxiety or fear prove you right. You prove the anxiety and fear wrong. Prove the imposter syndrome wrong.

If you know someone that has recently changed jobs and is experiencing anxiety or imposter syndrome, please share this blog post and this series with them.

Tag: prayer

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