Silent Retreat 2025: Table Exercise

Silent Retreat 2025: Table Exercise

If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 yet of the Silent Retreat 2025 series, see links for the full story. 

The final morning of the retreat, Danielle was the first up to make breakfast for all of us.

As the cabin slowly began waking up, each of us wandered to the kitchen. We were still in silence. Some ate breakfast at the long kitchen table. Others took their breakfast on the back porch or in the living room. 

I pulled up a chair facing the window, ate my breakfast, and continued reading my Living Fearless book until time to meet in the living room. This gathering would indicate our coming out of silence.

Danielle led us in songs of praise and scripture. Then the focus is back to us and she asks who would like to share how God met us in our silence.

It’s not a requirement to share. It’s an invitation with what you feel comfortable sharing.

Each woman’s experience was unique. Each was tender, sweet, and sometimes heartbreaking too. Life stuff that needed to surface in the slowing down and silence so God could tenderly be near and have the opportunity to love, care, and begin the healing. 

I decided to share something I wrote which was prompted at the very beginning of silence.

Rewind back to the first night. Danielle prompted us to take part in an exercise using our holy imaginations.

What is holy imagination? God created you after His own image. God has an incredible imagination. Have you enjoyed a painted sky at sunset or sunrise? What about a giraffe or zebra? Then, you have experienced His imagination in creation. I think He may have a sense of humor too.

God created your imagination also. With His Spirit living within us, we are capable of using our holy imaginations while asking Him to guide us.

That first night, Danielle prompted us to close our eyes and imagine a table. What does the table look like? How many chairs? Where is the table? Is there a distinct scent or smell? 

You are at the table and Jesus appears too. Where are you sitting? Where is Jesus sitting? What does Jesus look like?

Jesus asks you if there’s something of value you’d like to give Him. What is it? What do you have to give Jesus?

What happens when you give it to Him?

Jesus also has something to give to you. What does He have for you? What happens when He gives it to you?

Do you have a conversation with Jesus? What does He say to you? What do you say to Him?

Below is my result of the exercise and what I shared with the ladies as part of my experience with God during that weekend.

Circle table. Where? No characteristics to the room. Only 2 chairs. No distinct smell. What am I holding that is of value to give to Jesus? 

Control.

Jesus sits down directly across from me. 

What does He look like?

He looks kind. Long hair. Beard. Gentle smile.

“Is there something you’d like to give me?” He asks. A gentle question.

My eyes immediately fill with tears and the tears fall from my face to the table.

I know He’s asking for something that is not and was never mine. And yet it’s something I hold onto so tightly because it feels like I am in control. 

I get to make decisions. I get to choose where my life goes next.

The control I have to give Him is lies.

It’s a lie I’ve believed in for so long so I could feel safety and security. 

It’s all an illusion.

Jesus knows this and He knows I’m coming to that conclusion too.

“What would you like to give me?” He gently asks again.

“Control,” I reply with an emotion filled voice and tear filled eyes.

The control I have is represented as a hand-sized white orb that glows.

I take it from my lap and put it on the table. I stare at it scared to let it go because it represents that I can control my fears. 

And if I don’t have it, what then? Am I doomed? Will I disappear? Will I survive? What will become of me?

I look across the table to Jesus with tears running down my face.

“I know,” He whispers. 

His eyes are kind and compassionate. He extends His arms across the table to meet me in my dilemma. 

Again, an invitation.

This gives me a bit more courage to push the white orb of control to the middle of the table where Jesus’ hands are.

It’s only then that I notice His hands. They are large, masculine yet soft. They remind me of my Dad’s hands. Then, I remember that my Dad was made in His image too.

I see the scars on His hands and a new wave of emotion strikes me.

Jesus did not control the cruxifixction. He asked God to “let this cup pass from me”. There was no other way and He let His Father’s will be done. 

He chose to not control. He surrendered. 

Jesus knows the temptation to control and how hard it is to surrender.

Even though the white, glowing orb of control is now in the middle of the table, I have not let go of it yet.

Jesus’ hands are open to receive and I open mine to release, to let go…

The white orb rolls into His hands. He pulls it into Himself and it’s gone. 

His hands come back to meet mine. “I know how hard that was,” he says. 

“You were holding onto something that was not real, something that the harder you gripped it, the more life it took from you.”

“Now, your hands are open and ready to receive the gifts and blessings I have for you instead. Now, you can carry me with you to combat the fears, the hardships, the scary things in your life. You can grip and hold onto me as tightly as you’d like. I am not going anywhere. I am with you always. I have always been with you. With the relinquishment of control, you have made room for me.”

“I am real. I am truth. You traded what is false for what is true. How much better is that? Do not grieve letting go of lies. Stand firm in truth. You are my daughter. I know your heart and I love you,” Jesus says to me. 

What do you have that is valuable to you to give to Jesus today? What do you think He has for you?

Lead the way, Lord. Amen.

Silent Retreat 2025: Distractions

Silent Retreat 2025: Distractions

If you haven’t had a chance to catch up, make sure to read Part 1 and Part 2 of the Silent Retreat 2025 series.

I’ve been writing a lot lately about combating all the distractions we have in our everyday lives. Our modern world is distracting!

Distractions at a silent retreat can happen too. In Part 2, I wrote about the tremendous rain and storms that happened in the area. The weather, of course, was distracting.

There was another distraction for me that weekend, though. Right after we turned in our phones that first night, I found wasps in my room. Not 1, not 2, but 3 wasps in my bathroom!

Danielle helped me kill them. After she left, I was jumpy because I didn’t know where they came from or if there were more. And I knew I had to sleep in my bed that night. I would need to revisit my bathroom to shower!

I felt vulnerable and exposed. I managed to shower successfully without any more wasps. As I was getting ready for bed, I noticed a wasp in the window.

The room I was in had a loft to it. There was a ladder and a bunk up overhead and the wasp was up high on the window. I prayed that he’d just stay there.

I was able to sleep fairly well that evening. The next morning as I was getting ready, I noticed a wasp on the floor. I thought it was already dead but decided to step on it anyway. It was not already dead…

This is now 4 wasps that have been killed in my room.

When I came back to my room later that afternoon, there were 2 more wasps in my bathroom. Danielle had gotten some wasp spray. I retrieved it and put it to use. The wasp I sprayed with it…well, it seemed to only make it angry!

It crawled into a crevice in the baseboard. “Great!” I thought. I sprayed more wasp spray in the crevice. Out it came, seemingly more angry. I stepped on it and cleaned up the residue of the spray.

The other wasp was in the shower. I took my wash cloth and swatted at it. It clung to the wash cloth. I dropped it, of course. Finally, I was able to step on that one too.

“Where in the world are they coming from?” I thought to myself. That was the eeriest part of it. Not knowing where they were coming from or how many more there were.

That night was not as restful. I seriously considered not taking a shower. Mainly because I didn’t want to be caught exposed having to battle another wasp.

I made a deal with myself that I would shower, but it would be fast. I had planned to wash my hair, and decided against it.

Showering was successful. No other wasps.

I got ready for bed and laid down to read. While reading, I noticed a wasp flying high above me in the loft area. I had the ceiling fan on and I hoped that would do the trick. Maybe he will just leave me alone. I’m leaving him alone and thinking surely he’d leave me alone too.

I turned out the light and tried to sleep. No. such. luck. I tossed and turned and for sure the wasp was on my mind.

I turned the lamp back on again and sat up in bed. I didn’t want to read anymore. Coloring in my devotional coloring book it is!

It’s still storming outside, by the way. Rain is continuing to beat down. Lightening is lighting up the night sky and rumbles of thunder follow.

I colored for a long while. I kept my eye on the wasp every once and while. He was still flying above me from time to time.

Around 2:30 in the morning, the wasp made his move. He flew down close to me, the buzzing close to my ear. He landed on the wall close to my bedside.

Nope! Nope! Ok, I’m done.

This is wasp number 7. I did not want to attempt to kill this one. It’s early in the morning. If I miss and get stung, I’m going to be alone to deal with it. And I didn’t want to wake the rest of the house either.

While keeping my eyes fixated on this wasp, I gathered my pillow and a bag and went downstairs.

After getting downstairs, I thought about it for a minute. I decided to go back up and get all the rest of my things too. I was done with the eerie wasps.

There was a half bathroom downstairs that I could get ready in the next morning. And I could sleep on one of the couches in the living room.

And that’s what I did. I colored more first. This was me trying to calm my nerves about the wasps. I relaxed finally and laid down to sleep.

The rain still pouring outside. Lightening and thundering too.

I believe the wasps were a distraction tactic by the enemy. Doesn’t the enemy want to keep you from God? Why would the enemy be happy about your trying to spend uninterrupted time with God?

While I knew this was true and I prayed about it, and prayed for the wasps to go away. They didn’t.

What I also thought was interesting was the wasps, when I killed them were fairly easy to kill. They didn’t put up much of a fight, didn’t fly at me. They were slow. They weren’t flying very much and they weren’t able to defend themselves well.

When I talked with my dad later that day on the way home, I told him about them. He said they had been hibernating and were emerging but stiff and not as agile.

What I know to be true is the enemy has no authority over us unless we agree to his lies. The enemy is weak in comparison to our God.

The wasps were scary. Knowing they were in the room was scary, but they didn’t pose as much of a threat as they appeared. I wasn’t stung, but the threat was there.

I believe that the wasps were a representation of the enemy and his lies. However, truth is more powerful and always holds authority over evil.

I also think there is a significance to there being 7 wasps. The number 7 is very significant in the Bible.

*It appears over 700 times in the Bible.

*The significance of the number 7 represents perfection and completion.

*Creation happened in 7 days. – Genesis 1; 2: 1-2

*God rested on the 7th day.

*It is exoneration and healing.

*It is a fulfillment of promises and oaths.

*Reference linked from christianity.com.

The wasps nor the enemy were successful that weekend in their distractions.

They were minor distractions that I needed to deal with and handle.

The Silent Retreat weekend was fruitful in rest, safety, and connection with the Heavenly Father.

And I’d do it all again. May I take the experience of the wasps with me as I encounter other distractions and fears.

May I remember:

I pray that you also stand on these truths the next time you encounter fear distracting you from the Father’s love.

Stay tuned for another installment of my Silent Retreat weekend next week!

Silent Retreat 2025: Being Present

Silent Retreat 2025: Being Present

Make sure to read Part 1 of my experience at Awaken Silent Retreat.

The prayer path continued on the other side of the creek. I wasn’t able to cross, so I backtracked to the main gravel road. 

From there, I had 2 choices. Turn right back to the cabin or go left and see what else I could find.

I chose left and spotted another path connected to a very wide expanse of rock shore next to the creek.

I could hear the sound of the moving water, and I heard the sound of falling water hitting rock. It was much like the sound of a good, heavy rain hitting concrete. 

On the opposite side of the creek was a rock and tree embedded mountainside. I was searching for where the sound of falling water was coming from. I couldn’t see it, only hear it.

I walked closer letting sound be my guide, and found it! The morning’s storm had made little waterfalls coming off the mountainside. The water was smacking the rock as it fell.

I sat down on the rocky bank to take it all in. Being so close to the water, I was entertained with the tiniest fish jumping out of the water’s surface. I couldn’t help but think it was God’s smile. I was sitting still, not distracted. I was taking time to relish in His beautiful creation. 

Sitting there, I was reminded of a guided meditation I once experienced. It was guiding me to clear my mind. When a thought came to mind, it told me to think about moving water in a creek. Release the thought and let it be washed away with the moving water. 

For someone who’s mind never stops having thoughts, this was an exercise and analogy that stuck. It’s a great visual tool.

Sin and baptism. Washing away in the water.

As I watched the moving water, I’m noticed the logs, sticks, and leaves that was being carried in it’s current. Carrying them away much like my thoughts.

Between the falling water that sounded like rain, to the sound of the moving, gurgling water, the water lapping the rock shore, and seeing the water move at the same pace and rhythm…this was its own guided meditation. 

God’s guided meditation.

Tan, brown water. Rock mountainside with pops of vibrant green. 

Rock shore with smooth river rock all shapes, sizes, and all smooth. I’m sure from the moving water. Tan, cream, rust, red, yellow, orange, white rocks speckling the shoreline. 

I sat there capturing the scenery with my journal and pen. I didn’t have a camera with me, and I wanted to hold this beautiful place and moment in my memory.

There was more weather moving in. It was evident by the distant thunder rumbling and the darkening skies. I knew my time by the creek was coming to an end, so I walked back up the main gravel road back to the cabin.

I made it back just in time as the pouring rain began again and lunch was ready too.

Danielle always makes wonderful meals for us. Lunch was a charcuterie board spread across the counter with a delightful assortment of meats, cheeses, fruits, nuts, crackers, etc. 

After lunch, it was still raining. The cabin had a large front porch with several rocking chairs. I snagged a rocking chair and watched the rain.

When I say it stormed and down poured rain, I mean it really did! Thunder so loud and booming it shook the ground beneath me. The rain did not let up!

Regardless, several of the ladies, including myself, sat and rocked, and enjoyed the storm. I read the Living Fearless book again. This book has prayer and journal prompts. Highly recommend!

My hubby had given me a birthday present for my trip. Complete with my favorite snacks and a devotional coloring book. I had not colored in so long and this was a perfect opportunity.

Rocking, watching the rain, coloring, reading, journaling, feeling the thunder underneath me.

God is powerful, peaceful, and mighty. Rain, lightening, and thunder…peaceful yet mighty and powerful.

The rain continued. Danielle was keeping tabs on the weather. She let us know we were also under a tornado warning.

How do you communicate with others when you are at a silent retreat? Good old fashioned paper, pen, and the passing of notes. 

And even though torrential storms surrounded us, I never felt fear. Instead, I felt like God had tucked me under His wing. He was taking care of us. And I knew that this was a special time with Him. 

What does it mean to spend uninterrupted time with God? What do you do with the time?

Ask God to lead the way. What do you feel prompted to do after you’ve asked God to lead the way?

  • Read your Bible
  • Read a book
  • Color
  • Sit
  • Walk
  • Knit
  • Cross Stitch
  • Pray
  • Journal
  • Rest
  • Something else?

There are many things you could do during silent time with God. The important thing is to ask Him and let Him lead.

Don’t come into silence with an agenda of what you want to do or get done. Let Him lead the way. 

Both times I’ve attended Awaken Silent Retreats, God has brought my attention to His beautiful creation. I’m not an outdoorsy type usually. I think this is God’s way of slowing me down, bringing me into being present, and reminding me of who’s I am.

There’s more of my Silent Retreat experience to unpack. Stay tuned for next week’s installment!

Silent Retreat 2025: Personal Wellbeing

A few months ago, I wrote about my first experience attending Awaken Silent Retreat, posts linked here and here.

And only 5 months later, I attended again. This time on my birthday weekend!

The Silent Retreat was in a different location this time. It was hosted at Shepherd of the Ozarks (SOTO), located in the heart of the Ozark mountains in Harriett, Arkansas.

The total drive for me was around 8 hours from Houston, Texas to Harriett, Arkansas.

I had never been to the Ozark Mountains before. It is beautiful! The last hour of the drive was breathtaking! It reminded me of the Smoky Mountains.

When I arrived, I parked and unloaded my car only to reload my things into a truck. The truck would cross the creek and take me the remaining distance to the cabin.

The creek crossing reminded me of the creek you cross going to J.P. Coleman State Park. My Iuka, Mississippi friends will know what I mean.

But the creek at SOTO was much larger and required a 4-wheel drive vehicle.

The weather forecast was looking like a lot of rain. What we didn’t know is that there would be record breaking rain that weekend.

Silent Retreat 2025: Personal Wellbeing

After unloading our things, we settled into the kitchen where a meal had thoughtfully been prepared for all of us.

As you can see from the photo, there were 19 ladies in attendance.

The cabin was gigantic, about 7,600 square feet. It was 3 levels with numerous bedrooms. Plenty of room to spread out both in the cabin and on the front and back porches.

All during dinner, there was talking and conversation. After dinner, we gathered in the living area. Danielle led us in worship songs and scripture. She guided us in an exercise to use our holy imagination that prepared our minds for the weekend of silence.

Then, with our phones turned into Danielle, we shifted into silence.

When I returned to my room, I was met with interesting visitors in the bathroom. Not 1, not 2, but 3 wasps were in my bathroom! I had to summon help from Danielle to get rid of them.

The wasps would prove to be interesting violators of my silent weekend.

It rained, thundered, and lightened much of the night. As the day broke, so did the weather. Many of the ladies were going outside to explore the outdoors. It was beautiful scenery at SOTO. I had heard some of them talk about a prayer walk the night before. The hike had signs with scripture prompts along the path. This is where I wanted to go.

I packed up my journal and pen in my bag. Grabbed a coffee to go and set out to find this path. I found the prayer walk and started to doubt if I should continue. Since it had been raining the night prior, it was muddy and where the path began, it was steep. I hesitated, but decided to at least go a little ways before giving up.

My next hurdle was wooden planks that served as bridges without hand rails over shallow ravines. When stepping on the wooden planks, they bowed under my weight. I must have stepped forward and stepped backward at least 3 or 4 times.

I was out of my comfort zone. And then I laughed at myself, “says the girl that drove 8 hours alone to be at a silent retreat.”

This gave me gusto to cross the plank quickly only to be met with a second plank to cross. I didn’t hesitate as much with this one.

I came to the first scripture prompt, Psalms 96, a psalm of praise. It seemed so appropriate given the beautiful mountains and the gurgling creek below me. I sat in silence and read the scripture through again and enjoyed the sights of the beautiful landscape.

The next scripture prompt on the path was Psalms 32:1-7, a psalm of confession.

“When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.”

I was struck with how the verse spoke to me. If I hide and keep sin in my life a secret, I will waste away. Sin is detrimental physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The part about “your hand was heavy upon me” says to me that your conscious is speaking about the sin. Sin preoccupies our lives and takes our strength. The relief from the bind of sin is to confess it to the Lord.

This was an humbling experience on the prayer path…to sit in silence and to sit with truth.

I continued on the path only to come to another crossing. The path continued on the other side of the creek. I was wearing tennis shoes and given the rain the night before, the creek was high.

I decided I would not cross. Instead I found a makeshift perch on a rock and decided to sit and take in God’s beauty He created.

Because I did not have my phone or camera, my journal and pen served to capture the beauty.

It’s easy to forget to use all our senses when we experience something. We carry these mini computers with us all day, i.e. phones. It’s easy to snap a photo, but what else other than the visual did you experience?

Writing down what I was seeing, hearing, and feeling helped me capture the moment and embed it in my mind. Here’s what I wrote:

“Water gurgling and bubbling. Water falling that sounds like water filling up a bathtub. Very vibrant greens from the moss on the sides of the trees and rocks to the grass and buds on awakening trees from their winter’s nap. The simplicity of beauty. The grass, the trees, the moss, and the water doing nothing other than what they were designed to do. No rush, no busy, just being what they are supposed to be. They are all enough, more than enough. Flowing water around the bend and out of sight. Not in a hurry, but a constant flow. Roots that create the perfect natural stair steps to the water. Lavender flowers. Are those weeds? Does it matter? I’ve never seen this place. It feels like a gift from God as I journeyed to spend uninterrupted time with Him. The temperature is perfect. Not hot, not cold. Mossy, velvet carpet. Soft to the touch. And purple flowers popping out here and there among the fresh greenery.”

If you’ve been reading my blog, you may find that I write often about silence and stillness. Silence and stillness are tools. They are spiritual disciplines. They are practices to have greater personal wellbeing.

Our modern world is noisy and busy.

What are you missing by getting swept away in the constant demand on your time and the distractions?

What if you carved out time for silence and stillness? What do you think would happen?

Maybe you’d notice and experience the world around you like I experienced being in the mountains and by the creek.

Maybe you’d experience all of your senses.

Maybe you’d be aware of more.

Many think that silence is taking things away, like your phone and distractions. While that’s true, what’s also true is thinking about what silence could give you/add back instead.

Stay tuned! Next week, I’ll continue writing about my experience with a Silent Retreat weekend.

Video Testimonial for Awaken Silent Retreat

Awaken Silent Retreat Video Testimonial

Last week, I wrote a post about attending Awaken Silent Retreat in November 2024. If reading a testimonial isn’t your thing, I have a video testimonial for you instead! Watch now!

Exodus 14:14 – The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.

Psalms 46:10 – Be still and know that I am God.

By the way, I get questions all the time about my lashes. This is my secret.

What do you think about getting away to a silent retreat? Or starting with a couple of minutes of silence in your daily life? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!