Tag: small town

The Word I Didn’t Choose

The Word I Didn't Choose

I’m not one to pick “a word for the year”. 

I’m not against, it’s just not something I’ve given much focus to.  

And, being a writer, maybe I don’t want to limit myself to one word! 😉  

But I do pay attention to words that seem to come up over and over again.  

The ones I keep hearing. 

The ones that start carrying more weight and meaning than they used to. 

These are words to pay attention to. 

So far, this year, this word has been community.  

Community in a Big City

Living in such a big city like Houston makes community complicated. 

It’s normal here to live 30+ miles from where you work. That can easily mean an hour commute one way. 

After doing that all week, the idea of driving back into traffic to meet a friend can feel exhausting.  

Unintentionally, you begin calculating: 

  • What time will I get home? 
  • How late will this go? 
  • Is it worth the energy? 

Slowly, isolation becomes practical. 

Comedian Nate Bargatze jokes about this in one of his comedy shows. 

“In your 20’s you’re down for anything, anytime, anywhere doesn’t matter. If a friend calls to ask if you want to do something, you’re in.” 

“In your 30’s, if a friend calls to ask you to meet up, you’re a little hesitant. You ask questions about who is going to be there and when is it over before you commit.” 

“In your 40’s, when a friend calls to ask you to do something, you are offended that they’d even ask.” 

It’s funny because it’s true!

But beneath the humor is something deeper: as we get older, busier, and more established, connection starts feeling optional. 

The Illusion of Independence

Because Houston is so big, it can have a way of toughening you. 

This year marks 20 years of living here. While I pride myself on being independent, independence can have a way of hardening you into isolation. 

Not because you decide you don’t need people, but because life trains you to manage on your own. 

You work. 

You commute. 

You handle things. 

You keep going. And life keeps going at lightening speed. 

And you convince yourself you’re fine. 

We Said Yes

One of the ways to have a community is in church. Many who attend church in Houston attend what is referred to as a mega-church. A mega-church will have 2,000 or more attendees. It’s very hard to create relationships and be known in such a large congregation. 

The church my husband and I attend is called Church Project. It is a church of house churches.  

Yes, we gather on Sunday mornings in a church building and we have 2 services to fit everyone. 

But how we create community within Church Project are House Churches. These are smaller gatherings usually on Sunday evenings or Wednesday nights in homes usually in your neighborhood.  

A group of House Churches connected together as one through Church Project. This is modeled after the New Testament church where people would gather in each other’s homes for Christian fellowship. 

This usually entails gathering: 

  • to share a meal 
  • for prayer time 
  • for Bible study 
  • for Conversation 

 This is a way to know and be known. It creates intimacy and an opportunity to build relationships and do life with others. 

My husband and I didn’t participate in House Church for years. We finally decided a couple years ago to start going and we are so glad we did. 

It has proven to be such a blessed transformational decision for us.  

The Risk of Being Known

For someone who has lived most of her adult life fiercely independent, being known can feel vulnerable, and attending House Church has challenged me in a good way.  

The times we’ve chosen to let our House Church in on areas that we were struggling has proven to be the best risk. 

We’ve received immediate prayer. We’ve received text messages during the week checking in and encouraging us. I’ve received the most delicate and tender prayer messages. 

Most recently, my grandmother passed away and before I left to travel for her funeral, I found a bouquet of flowers and a card on my front door step from our House Church. It was such a thoughtful and sincere gesture.  

When you live far from family, grief can feel isolating in a way that’s hard to describe. Our House Church reminded me I wasn’t alone. 

After all the time I’ve spent being independent, when you begin being cared for by others, it’s a bit shocking and learning to receive becomes another challenge.

Sometimes you don’t know how much you need community until you actually have one. 

It’s not all about receiving. Being cared for and having that modeled for you teaches you how to be a community for others. 

I have room to grow in this regard. When others show up for you and show you the love of Jesus, it fills you up in a way that you want to pour out to others.  

One of my favorite versus is Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, so one person’s character sharpens another.” This is House Church.

A community that sharpens one another. Sharpening in a sweet way and sharpening in a transformational way. Living in community with others will hold up a mirror, at times, showing you where you can do better and be better. 

Small Town vs. Big City

Community came up again while I was home for my grandmother’s funeral. I attended the church I grew up in, where my Dad still attends. So many people came to hug me, share stories, and words of encouragement for me.  

This is also community.  

This is community of a small town. This kind of community feels natural in a small town.  

People come together. People know you, watched as you grew up, has known your family for generations.  

These are people that take care of you. And I’m comforted by this as I travelled back home to Houston knowing so many care and love my Dad.  

I know that community will come around my Dad, check on him, and love on him when I can’t be there in person. 

When you live in a big city, no one accidentally builds deep connection. You have to choose it. 

I’m so thankful we have that opportunity with our House Church with Church Project.  

The Modern Convenience Problem

We live in a modern world that has made community optional. 

Why would you go next door to borrow a cup of sugar when you could have it delivered?  

Why talk to a cashier when you can check yourself out? 

In the name of “progress” we’ve eliminated community. We’ve forgotten what it means to depend upon others, to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to share a meal. 

But we were never designed to live this way. 

A Question Worth Asking

When was the last time you let yourself be known? 

Not admired. 

Not competent. 

Not capable. 

Known. 

Isolation rarely announces itself. 

It quietly settles in and becomes the normal. 

And sometimes the bravest thing you can do isn’t proving you can handle everything alone. 

It’s letting someone show up for you. 

So how do we bring community back in our modern world? 

By choosing inconvenience on purpose. 

By lingering after church instead of slipping out quickly. 
By saying yes to dinner even when the commute feels long. 
By knocking on a neighbor’s door instead of ordering another delivery. 
By letting someone see beyond “I’m fine.” 

Community isn’t gone. 

It’s waiting for intention. 

Career Confessions From a Small Town Girl in the Big City: Part 1

This article was originally published in Tishomingo County News. See link for published article.

Early in 2022, I visited my alma mater, Tishomingo County High School, to speak to the Career and College Readiness classes and to the football team. The football coach during that time had created a wonderful program to bring back alumni of Tishomingo County High School to speak to students, share their career journey, work skills, and life tidbits. It was called Wednesday #ROW Above the Line Character Education and Real Talk. It was an absolute honor to be invited to participate.

I had lots to share being a shy girl that moved to the big city. And let me tell you, I did not have a career trajectory when I moved to the big city. Nope, not at all. I wanted to share my story with students at Tish County. I wanted to share my messy path to the career I have now. If I’d had someone share with me back when I was in high school that life doesn’t always look the way you think it will, that it’s ok to make mistakes, to figure it out one step at a time; then maybe I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself. Spoiler alert, I wouldn’t change anything about my messy path because it got me to where I am now.

In fact, in 2006 I moved to Houston the day after graduating from Mississippi State University with an undergraduate degree in Finance. I was not recruited by a company in Houston and the real reason I moved so suddenly was because I was married to someone that had a job offer in Houston. I followed, obviously, however his success with a career did not measure up to the opportunities I had. Nope, in fact, I STRUGGLED mightily to find my way, or to even find a job. I stopped counting the job applications after I surpassed 100. No calls, no emails…crickets. I knew no one, had no contacts, nothing. I think a lot of people might find themselves in a similar place. You have a college degree or experience and yet no job offer, not real leads, nada.

So what did I do? I started with what I could find…a temp job which was a receptionist in downtown Houston in one of those gigantic skyscrapers. I remember it so vividly and don’t even know how I had the gumption and fortitude to ride a metro bus into downtown, walk to the right building, and then find my way to the appropriate floor. I remember my job was to answer the phone and connect the calls to the right people. The calls that came in were from people that had foreign accents, asking for people that I didn’t know how to pronounce their names. I asked the people on the phone to repeat themselves quite often and prayed as I connected the calls. I began to sweat at the front desk from the pressure of the phone ringing. I survived, though, even if the temp job only lasted a couple of days. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it would be, “there’s no pressure with a temp job that’s only 2 days in length. Relax! You are doing great!”

I found another job shortly thereafter, this time working at a staffing agency. I worked closely with a girl named Courtney. We were about the same age, our birthdays were both in April, and she attended Ole Miss for about a year. Small world and I was so glad to find someone with a Mississippi connection. I made it about 2 weeks in that job. I didn’t get fired, I quit. Why would I do such a thing? I struggled so much after I moved. I began having what I now know were anxiety attacks. Not being able to breath, crying uncontrollably, unable to calm myself. It was horrible and I quit my job. I was incredibly embarrassed and my already fragile self esteem took a major hit. The worst of it all was I felt like I let down my new friend, Courtney. I couldn’t find the words to tell her what was going on and I left without an explanation. I still feel terrible about it to this day. I felt like something was wrong with me and like I was a failure which only pushed me further into the anxiety.

Context is everything and so is hindsight. Looking back and reflecting has helped me understand that the only way I was going to get through that horrible time was to walk through it as hard as it was and as much as I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. Putting one foot in front of the other and yes, sometimes taking two or three steps backward. I needed to give myself some time to adjust to the big life change of uprooting myself from everything I’d ever known. And yet I needed to work and make money. Life doesn’t stop and neither do the bills! They weren’t going to pay for themselves. What did I do next? Stay tuned and I’ll unfold the story as this is the first part in a career series from a small town girl in the big city.

Career Confessions from a Small Town Girl in the Big City: Introduction


In 2022, I wrote a series about my career journey for Tish County News. The series was inspired by an invitation. I was invited to speak to the Career and College Readiness classes and to the football team at my alma mater, Tishomingo County High School. The message I wanted to convey to those high school students wasn’t about my job and current life. It was about the journey that it had taken to get there. I was not and still do not have a high profile job or career. My life after high school took some ups and downs and winding roads. I wish someone could have given me the 30,000 foot view when I was in high school because I was experiencing it all at ground zero. It would have been helpful to have insights and perspectives along my journey after high school. The invitation to speak to high school students was a chance to fill in the gap I wish I’d had. Writing this series was another opportunity. I hope you will follow along for the next several weeks as the story unfolds. There will be tips and tidbits shared as I look back with the wisdom that only hindsight can bring. I’ll share what I would tell my younger self. Back then, I struggled with extreme anxiety. I had low self-esteem and low confidence. At times, I felt altogether lost. I walked through big life events like my mom’s passing, divorce, and multiple job changes. Now is a great time to subscribe if you haven’t done so yet. Don’t miss this series! It’s packed full of actionable insight no matter where you are along your career journey.

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Mississippi Girl

Small Town Girl in the Big City

Article originally published in Tish Co News, linked here.

“You can take the girl out of the small town, but you can’t take the small town out of the girl.” True story when it comes to this small town girl. I moved away from Iuka, Mississippi in 2002 to go to school at Mississippi State University and had no idea that it was a foreshadowing of a much bigger move in 2006 to the big city of Houston, Texas. Moving to such a big city was a culture shock and even though I’ve lived in Houston for 19 years now, my heart still yearns for the slower pace of the small town life.

Work brought me to Houston all those years ago. Anytime I run across someone in Texas with Mississippi roots or someone comments on my southern twang, I light up to talk about where I was born and raised. Mississippi is at my heart, a part of who I am at my core. Texans who have travelled through Mississippi have commented to me that “the trees are so tall in Mississippi”. I never noticed the contrast in tree heights until said co-workers marveled at the difference from Texas to Mississippi. And I hurriedly chime in to tell them the other differences between these two places. 

Any car you pass in my small hometown, the driver waves acknowledgment as you drive past. Concrete stretches for eternity in Houston, but back home in the ‘Sip, rolling hills, green pastures dotted with cows and horses, rows of soybeans, corn, and other crops are the eternity stretcher. Somehow words lengthen and shorten all at once with a southern twang accent, which only highlights the character of this place. Mississippi is always depicted as hot and humid in movies where the characters glisten with sweat. That isn’t wrong necessarily, but hello we have air conditioning! In Houston, neighbors live 5 feet away from your front door, but in the ‘Sip there might be a field between neighbors.

I travel back to Iuka 1-2 times a year to visit my family. I find that it takes me a few days to downshift from the fast pace of corporate America and city life. Every time I come home, I always leave with a greater appreciation. That’s the blessing of coming home, seeing the differing perspectives of where I currently live and contrasting it with my hometown. It’s not only about who is around the table with you sharing a meal, but the hands that made the homemade dishes. Who made the jelly or jam or canned vegetables and it’s all different names. It’s a community nourishing each other’s tables and families. Iuka and small towns like it have a sense of community that isn’t found easily in the big city. In fact, I would say that Houston might be one of the hardest cities to find community. Everyone is so spread out and traffic makes it challenging to get across town to a friend’s home. A 30 minute drive in Houston doesn’t equal 30 miles…more like 30 minutes equals 10 miles on a good day. And when I go to the grocery store in Houston, I never see anyone I know…which is sometimes a good thing, because I don’t have to worry about makeup, or fixing my hair or care what I’m wearing. It’s far from the truth in Iuka where you shop with all your friends and it’s a rare occurrence to not run into someone you know.

Mississippi will never be just a place on a map to me. It will always mean home. Mississippi built me. I once was on a phone call with a Midland, Texas based co-worker. During the conversation I mentioned I was from Mississippi and said, “like many southern women, I am thoughtful, sweet and hospitable, however, there’s a flip side of being a southern woman who can also be assertive when need be”. I think I scared the man on the other end of the phone call because he asked, “should I be concerned?” I laughed and told him, “no, sir, not at the moment.”

All kidding and jokes aside, one of my greatest strengths in my career is the ability to not only work with many types and levels of people, but to really connect with them. If I trace this strength back to where it comes from, it would be what I learned growing up in my small hometown. Authenticity, humility, grace, manners, shaking hands and looking people in the eyes when speaking are uncommon these days. But I know a place where it still stands true and that place is my home town, Iuka, Mississippi. I might live 12 driving hours away, but my heart never left…it’s right where it belongs. The small town will always be in this girl.